So 9th October 2017 marked my 12th anniversary of living in Malta.
Can someone please tell me how have I survived this long ha ha. I say that both in astonishment and with great affection!
Recently I shared some funny anecdotes of my life in this unique corner of the Mediterranean, over on my Facebook page captioning it ‘#YouKnowYouveBecomeABitMalteseWhen… Some of my followers based in/originally from Malta commented with hilarious anecdotes of their own (more on that in a sec). I kept these in mind and voilà the theme of this year’s Malta anniversary was born!
So as is now annual AbPrab tradition, I thought I’d take another lighthearted look at this mad dusty rock.
Please leave any Malta sensitivities at the door, get your laughter hat on and read on, without taking this too seriously!
Here are 12 scenarios that happen commonly in Malta and signs you know you’ve (well I know I have anyway!) become Maltese (a bit). Oh and remember what I said about my AbPrabbers commenting on the various Facebook posts? Well some of their comments have made it into this post. Look out for the quotes in large font.
1. You see an open-ended cable hanging from the ceiling right down to the floor in a supermarket/cafe/etc…
If you still lived in your home country, you’d be horrified and ask for the manager and…wait…you wouldn’t see this in your home country…
Sure sign you’ve become Maltese (a bit): you don’t even notice it as you walk past the first time and automatically just step around the cable. I mean it’s just an open-ended cable in a public place and could merely electrocute someone right? MELA.
2. Talking of which…the Maltese language!
You think the terms Mela and Uwejja are the Best. Words. EVER
3. You see a bunch of tourists wearing a vest and shorts in October…
If you still lived in your home country: you’d be in a vest and shorts if it was 25 degrees too.
Hell, if it was 25 degrees in October in your country, you’d go to work in swimwear if you could.
Sure sign you’ve become Maltese (a bit): You chuckle to yourself at how cute these tourists ‘who never see the sun’ are. You’re wearing jeans. Because it’s Autumn. Yes it’s 25 degrees outside but it’s Autumn.
4. You’ve waited patiently for your turn in a queue only for the cashier to serve the person behind you, without even consulting you.
When you first moved here, you literally Could. Not. Believe. This. Happens. Your blood just BOILED. You didn’t stand for it and would insist the other customer waits their turn.
Sure sign you’ve become Maltese (a bit): You say nothing. You don’t even get annoyed by the other customer not thanking you. It all just feels quite logical. Or as one AbPrabber put it:
You know you’re Maltese when you begin to think that people who obsess about forming an orderly queue need to just chill out a bit.
5. You get stuck in traffic trying to reach the end of a road, only to find it’s closed and that the traffic was just caused by the 20 poor sods now trying to turn their car around to go back the way they came BECAUSE THERE WAS NO SIGN at the road’s entrance.
When you first moved here, you’d get angry about this for days. Seriously DAYS.
Sure sign you’ve become Maltese (a bit): You forget about it 30 minutes later. On your next trip home, your brain nearly falls out in amazement when a friend shows you some SciFi-like actual APP that alerts drivers to road works and diversions!!
6. Talking of driving (okay I know the driving thing is a WHOLE separate book but…): you stop your car in the middle of the road to chat to a friend coming the other way.
If you still lived back home: well…people just don’t do this back home. It’s a crime as severe as high treason.
Sure sign you’ve become Maltese (a bit): You’ve no idea why you even mentioned this in rage to people back home when they would ask how you were settling in, the first year.
7. You see the new larger security hall at Malta airport…
If you were still new to Malta: You’d think ‘About blooming time they joined this century’
Sure sign you’ve become Maltese (a bit): You are SO impressed you take a picture of one of the signs and actually congratulate one of the security hall agents on the improved facilities. Oh…just me?
8. You want to go out for a walk/run/other outdoor exercise mid August.
When you first moved to Malta: You thought this was irresponsible and googled the risks of exercising in a hot climate and slapped on a bottle of suncream (even though it was 8pm)
Sure sign you’ve become Maltese (a bit): You’re really happy it’s finally ‘cooled down only’ 30 degrees.
9. You see some fruit/veg fall out of a box at the farmers’ market/supermarket/vegetable truck and roll to the ground. The assistant picks it up and throws it back in the box.
If this happened in your home country, you’d be disgusted, start shopping somewhere else and the shop would close down within weeks after someone reports their hygiene standards.
Sure sign you’ve become Maltese (a bit): you say nothing, carry on with your shopping and just wash it when you get home. I mean it’s just rolled around on a germy surface; what’s the big deal? Mela.
10. You go to Gozo for a Summer break.
When you first moved to Malta: You thought this was utterly hilarious and couldn’t believe people considered this a holiday, when they hadn’t even left the Maltese islands.
Sure sign you’ve become Maltese (a bit): You are SO ridiculously excited about getting off the rock and er…going to another rock – you actually Instagram about it (a lot).
Because it’s been 3 weeks since the last car selfie (and we ARE ridonkulously excited about ending the #schoolholidays in style via a mini #gozo vacay) 😎 #myhappycapture #islandlife #summerfun2017 #thegoodlife #rememberingthesedays #carselfies #cameramama #itsthesimplethings #documentyourdays #pbloggers #thisismotherhood #absolutelyprabulous #happykidshappymum #mumsofinsta #schoolholidayfun #childhoodismagic #itsanislandthing #mediterranean #lovemalta #wanderlustkids #childhoodunplugged #happykidshappylife #familyfun #myfamilyandotheranimals #travellingwithkids
11. A waiter/shop assistant/someone in the service industry says “Yes” instead of “Next please” or “How can I help?”
When you first moved to Malta: You flinched in absolute horror at such abruptness and mannerless customer service.
Sure sign you’ve become Maltese (a bit): You don’t bat an eyelid and wonder why your visiting guest is staring open-mouthed at the assistant.
12. Another shop-related one and probably my absolute favourite from a blog follower:
You stop the car outside your local grocer, shout in your shopping list from the comfort of the drivers seat and ask him to bag it up whilst you go and park!
Joking apart, we all know there are things that need to change about Malta. But then there are surely things about your home country that drive you totally nuts and make you glad to be on the mad rock. Nowhere is perfect.
So for now, let’s just put it all down to the charm of the Mediterranean.
You can read the previous Malta anniversary posts here:
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Where Is Home?
20 Crazy Things About Malta
ARE YOU A NON-MALTESE LIVING IN MALTA? WHAT’S ON YOUR LIST?
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