5 Reasons Why The Tooth Fairy Never Came

title of post plus silhouette of tooth fairy

I’m not the bake-sale mum with perfect coiffed hair. I’d eat all the cakes, would rather endure Celine Dion on constant loop than attend football practice and my hair is decidely un-’coiffable’. 

However, to go as far as admit that I am in fact the mum who cannot, for the life of her, remember to put the tooth fairy money under her kids’ pillow when they lose a tooth…E-V-E-R. Well…I’m about to admit that (as well as give you five reasons you can use if you ever need to explain why the tooth fairy never came…you’re welcome).

“She’s joking right?” you ask. Oh, but I’m not.  In my pathetic defence, although I was born and bred in the UK, am more British comedy series than Bollywood drama, prefer a Sunday roast to a curry (I know, shocker right?) and own a ridiculous amount of Union Jack items from oven gloves to shoes, I did nevertheless grow up in an Indian household.  We just didn’t do the tooth fairy ritual so I guess it’s a culture difference thing.  I could double-check with my siblings to see if they remember it differently but I’m quite sure we didn’t get anything when we lost a tooth. Apart from a ugly gap in the mouth.


So,
let me take you through the fiasco of my son finally losing his first tooth, aged seven.

He had excitedly placed his tooth under the pillow – BIG moment – and I wished him and the girls goodnight, making a mental note to fetch a coin once he was asleep. I went back down, told Hubster about the tooth and…promptly forgot about it myself.  Ironically, I forgot because after cleaning up the kitchen, I got busy writing a post about what I’ve learned since becoming a mum.  Clearly, I must have learned to not put the damned tooth fairy money under the pillow.  Honestly, my scatty mother behaviour has become so legendary that an actual newspaper article has been written about me.


Anyway, the following morning I nearly fell out of bed with a pounding heart as I
realised the mistake.

My Dreamy D: such an undemanding gentle child (when he’s not tanked up on Asthma meds) for whom the least I could do is remember his tooth fairy money.

dhru

 No worries, he’ll be fast asleep; I’ll just slip it under the pillow now, I thought…before I heard him in the bathroom sounding very much awake. Cue mini heart attack. Is he kidding me? He chooses this morning as the ONE morning in the whole week to wake up early, instead of being dead to the world like he normally is?!  Then I thought No problem, he’s always half asleep first thing; there’s no way he’s noticed the lack of silver under the pillow.  My sick-to-the-stomach feeling now replaced by calm complacency, I popped my head around the door and smiled as brightly as I could (no easy task as I don’t usually smile til I’ve literally bathed in coffee).  I nearly shrank in mortification as my son mustered up his bravest smile, tried to mask his disappointment and said:

“Mama, the tooth fairy never came.”

Quiet, flat, deflated voice.  Those huge doe eyes.  Go Team Prabs.  #MotherOfTheYear.

I crept back into my bedroom, punched myself in the face, briefly considered punching Hubster in the face and told him about the mess-up.  His response was “We are sh*t”.  What can I say?  He’s a man, an Aries man; they’re fairly direct but to be fair, this Aries man had a point.  Yet, though I totally agreed with the sh*t verdict and berated myself for my crap parenting, I was cheesed off at the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny and all the other damned myths I have to try to stay on top of.  My brain instantly fogged up with panic trying to figure out the right course of action.


In my frustration, I came up with 5 excuses I could give to explain the absence of money i.e. 5 Reasons Why the Tooth Fairy never came.

1) Toothy overslept after a mad night out with Tinkerbull (as Tinkerbell is now known because of her legendary Vodka Redbull consumption)
2) She got stuck in fairy traffic, due to an accident caused by two fairies not looking in their ‘wing’ mirrors 
3) Times are tough; even the tooth fairy is affected by the poor Fairy Dollar (FD) exchange rate.
4) Wait, you were expecting money? You know what I used to get when I lost a tooth? Kleenex!
5) Your mother is sh*t

 

I decided against mentally scarring him any further by using these excuses and instead, the whole situation went down like this:

  • I ran downstairs to fetch my wallet only to bump into Musical M (9yo at the time). Is she kidding me? She chooses this morning as the ONE morning in the whole week to wake up early, instead of being dead to the world like she normally is?!  Are you detecting the pattern here?
  • I hurriedly grabbed some coins. Musical M saw me. So I threw her my look. You know THE look that all of us are suddenly able to do once we become mothers. The “Don’t even think about asking me” look. Not you? Just me? Seriously?!
  • I pegged it back upstairs (I swear I never knew I could moved so fast) and bumped into Cheeky K (4yo) who’d climbed out of bed, having also chosen this morning as the ONE morning…you know what, I’m not even going to bother finishing that sentence…
  • I literally threw the money under his pillow not realising that Cheeky K was watching.  It’s pointless trying to administer THE look to a four year-old upon realising you’ve been rumbled. A hand may have been clamped over her mouth as she started asking me questions. I can neither confirm nor deny this. You’ll have to speak to my lawyer about that.
  • Now comes the rolling-my-eyes-in-shame bit (like it’s not shameful enough so far): I FORGOT TO TAKE THE TOOTH FROM UNDER THE PILLOW.

W

hat did Hubster do during all of this?

What, the man who can survive on three hours sleep? The man who never hits the snooze button? The man who practically leaps out of bed ready to face the day, the second the alarm goes off?  (Incidentally, how did I marry someone like this? I could just thump him.)  Basically, after delivering his “we are sh*t” verdict, he chose this morning as the ONE morning in the whole year to…

…go back to sleep.

Is he kidding me?!

A short while later, Hubster woke up, Dreamy D lifted his pillow again – er possibly prompted by his mother – and found money that had miraculously materialised while he’d been brushing his teeth.  He ran out of his room in total astonishment to tell us both that the tooth was still there.  Now, I’m a blogger. I write. Words are obviously my thing. But I have NO idea which words describe the look on my husband’s (or my son’s) face at this point.

 

I may or may not have crept out of the room silently.

I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour.

You’ll have to speak to my lawyer about that.

 


Rookie Mistakes
Originally published two years ago in different form. A version of it has also appeared on the brilliant guest blog series Rookie Mistakes by Life, Love and Dirty Dishes
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Comments

Comments

28 Comments on 5 Reasons Why The Tooth Fairy Never Came

  1. Claire
    June 11, 2015 at 6:21 pm (2 years ago)

    This is me EVERY day when we do elf on th shelf for Christmas. :/ I forget to move that elf every day and every day the kids are crying because they think he lost his magic and didn’t report back to Santa. :/

    Reply
    • prabs
      June 11, 2015 at 7:35 pm (2 years ago)

      Oh man I am SO happy we don’t have that elf business in my culture or here in Malta! I couldn’t cope lol. Thanks for popping along.

      Reply
  2. Becky, Cuddle Fairy
    June 11, 2015 at 6:34 pm (2 years ago)

    It can be hard to remember the tooth money! I’ve never forgotten, thank goodness – I don’t envy your scrambling around. But I have nearly forgot. So now I leave the money on the stairs or somewhere to remind me to put it in the room. We have a little box where the tooth and money goes so I don’t have to deal with the sneaking under the pillow scenario 🙂 #snotallaboutyou

    Reply
    • prabs
      June 11, 2015 at 7:34 pm (2 years ago)

      I’ve already twigged that you are way too organised for this sort of nonsense! Thanks for reading.

      Reply
  3. Rebecca U
    June 11, 2015 at 8:05 pm (2 years ago)

    I’m not sure what to do about this when mine start losing teeth… its those pesky other kids at school, otherwise they wouldn’t know about it, I certainly wouldn’t tell lol. #snotallaboutyou

    Reply
    • prabs
      June 11, 2015 at 8:36 pm (2 years ago)

      I know! Some of my kids’ friends get a daft amount of money for each tooth too!

      Reply
  4. Emma
    June 11, 2015 at 9:24 pm (2 years ago)

    Oh you naughty mummy! Remind me not to come to you for tooth fairy tips when my daughters start falling out haha! I will remember the excuses though when I forget 🙂 thanks for linking with #snotallaboutyou

    Reply
    • prabs
      June 12, 2015 at 4:51 pm (2 years ago)

      Ha!! Don’t come to me for ANY tips

      Reply
  5. Mackenzie Glanville
    May 17, 2016 at 3:41 am (11 months ago)

    I have forgotten on a couple of occasions, in my defence they take forever to fall asleep and I am so tired by the time they finally do that I forget, and I have also done the same with the Easter Bunny #badmummy #bigpinklink

    Reply
  6. Unhinged Mummy (aka Janine Woods)
    May 19, 2016 at 10:18 am (11 months ago)

    Oh dear, oh dear! Sounds like it (kind of) turned out alright in the end (if you don’t count your four year old seeing you place the money under the pillow lol). And for all of them to be up early on the one morning you could do with out them being so. What are the chances eh? Sods law has a lot to answer for.

    #coolmumclub

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 19, 2016 at 11:03 am (11 months ago)

      there is a lot of sods law going on in my house Janine x

      Reply
  7. MMT
    May 19, 2016 at 10:22 am (11 months ago)

    Oh Prabs, bad times. But, it made great blog material! #Everycloud
    In all honesty, we all love a good parenting fail story and this is up there with the best of them! Don’t beat yourself up, I saw my Mum wrapping my stocking presents at Christmas and I turned out Okay – your kids will be too busy gloating over there super cool Mum to ever recall that tooth fairy story 🙂
    x Mwah
    Thanks for linking up with #coolmumclub

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 19, 2016 at 11:03 am (11 months ago)

      Oh my god the stockings DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT STOCKINGS I mess it up every time! But thanks as usual for your fab comment and the compliment (you know I love those) 🙂

      Reply
  8. Cheryl @ Tea or Wine
    May 19, 2016 at 12:11 pm (11 months ago)

    Brilliant! I love the 5 possible reasons including “Tinkerbull” and the “wing mirrors”! SO What happens next I wonder? Does the tooth fairy in your house now have to remember to leave the money AND the tooth every time one falls out? I’m not at the tooth fairy stage, but I can only imagine how stressful it is. I struggle with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus stuff as it is! #CoolMumClub x

    Reply
  9. The Little Tourist
    May 19, 2016 at 4:03 pm (11 months ago)

    So funny! My husband and I often are trying to figure out who is going to do what and who will cover for the fact that we both fell asleep without taking the tooth and leaving a little “gold dust” behind. Seriously, this is almost a full – okay, part-time job! lol! Stopping by from Idea Box Link Party 🙂

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 20, 2016 at 10:21 am (11 months ago)

      That’s hilarious. Thanks for reading. I don’t know that linky at all though.. I’ll have to investigate x

      Reply
  10. Rhyming with Wine
    May 19, 2016 at 4:06 pm (11 months ago)

    Good save lovely! Sounds like you rescued that to me (So a tooth was left behind? Meh!) I’m just praying that mine don’t grow up to be as demanding of the Tooth Fairy as I was. I apparently wrote her a letter and expected a hand written reply (which was NOT to be in the same handwriting as my parents as I would check!)
    So funny!
    #coolmumclub x

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 20, 2016 at 10:21 am (11 months ago)

      I shall mercilessly tease you forever more about you being high maintenance as a kid lol

      Reply
      • Rhyming with Wine
        May 23, 2016 at 7:35 pm (11 months ago)

        And I shall accept it with grace! 🙂 To be fair I was also raised to believe that “When the ice cream van plays that tune it means there’s none left” and one year received my birthday presents wrapped in… tin foil! (They’d forgotten to buy wrapping paper). A bloody letter from the tooth fairy is the least I was owed haha.
        Just popping back again via #fartglitter. Thanks for linking up with us hun xx

        Reply
        • prabs
          May 23, 2016 at 9:36 pm (11 months ago)

          tin foil?! Ha haaaa oh my God lol

          Reply
  11. Emma
    May 19, 2016 at 11:06 pm (11 months ago)

    Oh god this is me! I have done this. Once I was even given the tooth for safe keeping and then Oldest asked me for it so she could put it under her pillow, I then realised I had lost it! I then tried to make a pretend tooth out of white-tac. I know, I am stupid. In the end I gave her a load of bog roll and told her the tooth was wrapped up inside but she must not open it up in case she lost the tooth. I then watched her place the toilet roll very carefully under her pillow, fear in her eyes that she might lose it. Next time I will use your genius excuses 😉 #coolmumclub

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 20, 2016 at 10:21 am (11 months ago)

      white tac!! OMG priceless. And glad to be of service…see I have my uses 🙂

      Reply
  12. An imperfect mum (Catie)
    May 23, 2016 at 7:50 am (11 months ago)

    I love this post. We have also had a tooth fairy disaster that may have been pomoted by too much wine. I can not possibly comment! Lovely to know we are not alone.

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 23, 2016 at 9:25 am (11 months ago)

      lol wine is the cause of everything! Thanks for reading.

      Reply
  13. Nige
    May 23, 2016 at 7:43 pm (11 months ago)

    I find it amazing that you managed to achieve all this without coffee the excuses well I think I might use those on my 4 year old twins soon save a fortune lol great funny post brilliantly written #fartglitter

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 23, 2016 at 9:35 pm (11 months ago)

      Glad to be of service Nige! (Let me know if the excuses work…) Thanks for reading.

      Reply
  14. Kirsty
    May 25, 2016 at 10:03 am (11 months ago)

    This is definitely something I would do! There is so many different stories that you need to remember being parents of young children…it never ends #bestandworst

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 25, 2016 at 10:24 am (11 months ago)

      Glad you understand!

      Reply

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