Keys. Don’t talk to me about keys! If you’re a regular AbPrab follower you can’t fail to notice how many key disaster stories I have to my name.
In fact, my incompetence in the looking-after-the-keys department is so
shocking legendary actually shocking was right, it even gets mentioned in my blog bio and social media profiles! Even my OopsFiles guests have written about their lost/missing key disaster stories a few times such as the hilarious That Time Baby Brain Ruined Date Night and er…this one that you just couldn’t make up if you tried.
Just some of the places I’ve left keys are:
- in the front door (too many times to even list and you just KNOW it’s bad when one of your own kids retrieves them with a frown and a ‘look what you did Mama”.
- on the wall, yes the WALL of our house You’d have thought I’d be extra vigilant considering we’ve been burgled wouldn’t you? Seriously, keys in the front door is bad enough but on the freaking wall?!
- in the car seat under Cheeky K who was then just two years old. How long did I search for them after getting home one morning from school drop off, unable to get in the house? How many times did I ransack the entire car, search my handbag? In fact, how many times have I driven back to the school to see if I somehow dropped them in the playground/entrance?! Let’s not go there. Eventually, I found the keys under my child who was sitting on them blissfully unaware as she chatted away.
- car key left on the sunbeds at the hotel where my kids have swimming lessons…while I then went off for a whole hour to grab a coffee (er…this was the other week by the way).
- hidden down the side of the sofa making us totally delayed getting out the door for the morning/lunchtime/afternoon school runs. I remember one time (out of the m-a-n-y times) I dropped the kids off late due to yet another ‘incident’ in the long line of lost key disasters, the teacher just gave me one of those withering looks. She simply didn’t believe a word coming out of my mouth.
However, the humdinger of all key disaster stories, the pièce de resistance…
has to be when we returned from a beach outing, all five of us desperate to shower off the long hot summer day and eat dinner and this happened: Hubster: have you got your house key? Me: no you always take yours! Hubster: I don’t have mine Cue: phone call to the fire brigade…and a scene that even I, despite being known for sharing many an honest tale, am too embarrassed to go into! The neighbours certainly got a show.
Suffice to say, people from all walks of life have one thing in common: we all generally have keys.
At some point in time…we lose them. Fact. So if you’ve ever suffered key dramas, you’ll want to read the following entertaining (and cautionary!) key disaster stories from a guest author. I don’t know about you but I got the feeling that locksmiths are right up there along with the police and emergency services…
1.) A Locksmith, a Locked Car, a Child and a Dirty nappy.
One afternoon I received a phone call from a frantic mom who had accidentally locked her daughter in the car while at the shopping mall parking lot. I left my own kids with the neighbour while I rushed to the scene. I could tell by the sound of the voice on the phone that this Mom was at her wits end. She needed me to get there quickly.
She was so grateful to see me when I arrived. I assured her that we would have the baby out in no time. As I approached the car, I saw the baby crying in the back seat. My heart went out to the little darling… she must have been so scared. It also took me only a moment to recognise an unmistakable smell. As I got a better look at the baby, I could see a light brown stain growing on her clothes. It looked like she had experienced what I call a “blow out”. That’s right…she had pooped so violently that the nappy couldn’t contain it. So, after assessing the situation, I went back to my truck and got the necessary tools. After a lot of cleaning and changing (on the mum’s part) and standing by and helping where possible (on my part), we got everything under control.
2.) A Real Life Stephen King Novel!
I once received a phone call from a friend of mine, the manager for a few apartment buildings. He had asked me to change the locks for what he thought was a vacant apartment in one of his buildings. It turned out the apartment wasn’t vacant… As I opened the door to change the locks, a terrible smell hit me. I noticed newspapers stacked in piles all over the floors and something smeared on the walls. It stank. In the middle of all this mess were two obese people sitting on the sofa.
So a lesson for all you building managers: don’t take on new tenants who are hoarders and if you evict someone, make sure they actually left!
3.) It’s Always the People You Least Expect…
An elderly lady once came in to my office asking if I could open a locked box for her. It didn’t take long. As I unlocked the box and lifted the lid, the lady turned beetroot red and slammed the lid right on my fingers! It turned out this septuagenarian had a box full of sex toys.
4.) And the Prize for the Sweetest Call Out Goes To…
A friend of mine once called me asking for help. She lost the keys to her handcuff and she and a friend were cuffed together. Believe it or not as a locksmith, these situations are fairly common but this one had a surprise twist. She handcuffed herself to a friend of hers that she desperately wanted to set me up with. I never had the time…and I hated blind dates.
Ten years later, we have 3 kids and are happily married.
Moral of the story: Sometimes a friend setting you up isn’t the worst!
The above stories were brought to you by americaslockandkey.com.
Have YOU Had any Epic Key Disaster Stories of Your Own? I’d Love to Hear It!
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