Extreme Beauty Craze Claims Mum of Three as First Victim

extreme eyebrows newspaper article title image girl with bushy eyebrows

THE EYEBROWS OBSESSION THAT IS TAKING OVER THE WORLD ALMOST ENDED A WOMAN’S LIFE RECENTLY WHEN SHE FAINTED AT A WELL-KNOWN MAKEUP STORE

after being greeted by an assistant with “unbelievably awful eyebrows”. Mother of three, Mrs Prabulous, had visited the store in a desperate attempt to find an eyebrow product/anymotherfreakinthing that would work, after her youngest child had helpfully asked one morning over breakfast: “Mummy where have your eyebrows gone?” This immediately prompted the decision to 1) relocate her eyebrows 2) stop eating breakfast with her children. 

Staff at the central London outlet of the high brow 🙂 cosmetic brand SMAC (a fitting name considering what Mrs Prabulous wants to do to all these silly women) said they spotted Mrs Prabulous looking totally overwhelmed and muttering expletives in the eye make up section which boasts a baffling 13 types of mascara, 11 different  eyeliners (seriously? 11 ways to draw a line?), 17 ‘must-have’ eyebrow products and who the hucking fell even  knows how many eyeshadows. Apparently, an assistant approached Mrs Prabulous enthusiastically offering to help. Unfortunately, her extreme eyebrows were equally as enthusiastic and it was at this point that the avoidable incident happened.

extreme eyebrows image terrible eyebrows meme

 

According to an alarmed employee with alarming eyebrows (or perhaps she merely looked alarmed because of her eyebrows…it’s quite the vicious circle really),

The victim’s face like contorted upon seeing the assistant like and her expression like seemed to go from like simple surprise to like ‘Dear girl who did this to you?’ to like ‘Good grief you look like that on purpose?’ to ‘What the actual bloody f**k?! in a matter of like seconds. She then tried to steady herself by grabbing onto a shelf before crashing to the ground, taking the shelf with her. Like.

Thankfully, none of the makeup was damaged.

 

THE SMAC EMPLOYEE TOLD NOTHING BUT THE SPOOF THAT SHE HAS NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT IN ALL HER YEARS. COINCIDENTALLY, MRS PRABULOUS SAID THE SAME ABOUT THE ASSISTANT’S EYEBROWS.

Mrs Prabulous (whom our reporter described as not very forthcoming about her age and unnecessarily churlish about being described as a pint-sized British Asian middle-aged mother of three) is now back home in Malta where she is bravely trying to recover from her Ambush by Eyebrow.  During the exclusive interview we secured with her, she said the assistant’s incomprehensibly bizarre forehead was the last straw during her UK visit, where she noticed it was virtually impossible to go anywhere without having one’s personal space invaded by dramatic brows, over-arching in their ambition. Literally.

MRS PRABULOUS ALMOST ABANDONED HER MUCH NEEDED OUTING TO VARIOUS UK STORES AFTER IT BECAME CLEAR THEY NO LONGER SEEM TO EMPLOY A SINGLE PERSON WITH EVEN REMOTELY NORMAL EYEBROWS.

She considered leaving Buckstars empty-handed because the barista’s 15mm high 10 cm long hair architecture put her right off her tall wet soya caramel cinnamon ‘is this even coffee?’ latte.

I genuinely tried responding to the assistants serving me but I just kept getting distracted by the scary dark slugs above their eyelids which looked remarkably like my 7 year old’s drawing of Darth Vader”. 

She explained that she still hasn’t figured out who exactly was serving her: the girl or the eyebrows? The latter seemed to have a personality all of their own, she said.

DURING THE TWO HOUR INTERVIEW, WHICH LEFT OUR MALE REPORTER SHOCKED AT JUST HOW LONG AN IRATE WOMAN CAN DISCUSS EYEBROWS (NOT TO MENTION CONSIDERING RESHAPING HIS OWN ONCE HE GOT HOME)

Mrs Prabulous mentioned her growing confusion over Browgate, stating that one’s eyebrows are simply meant to frame one’s face, not totally overshadow it. In fact, she felt that some of these girls have brows so huge, they literally do cast a shadow over their face. She then went on a veritable rant about the eyebrow mania that seems to be sweeping the globe.

I’m fluent in French, still remember my A-level German, have basic Italian and Spanish but haven’t got an effing clue what High Definition, Microblading or Extreme Eyebrows mean. And if anybody mentions the Kardashians having ‘inspirational brows’, I may actually garotte them with my potato peeler.

she said, before going on to describe her bemusing experience of travelling on London Underground.  Mrs Prabulous expressed her surprise that more women on the trains don’t need an extra seat for their eyebrows, exclaiming (perhaps a little too caustically) that it’s a miracle airlines and rail networks haven’t spotted a clear money-making opportunity by requiring these women to buy a separate ticket for their brows.  (We can reveal her transport reference included profanity which Nothing But the Spoof is unwilling to print as as this is a reputable newspaper that only produces high quality journalism…and if you believe that, bless you because obviously that is nothing but a spoof).

extreme eyebrows image of arched eyebrows

 

UNFORTUNATELY, WE CANNOT PRINT THE REST OF THE INTERVIEW AS IT ALL GOT A BIT TOO HAIRY…

However, as our reporter was leaving, he heard the bewildered mother – whose age we still don’t bloody know – mumbling something about being ‘too old for this s**t’ and frothing:

What I want to know is, if there’s this much hair action going on up top, what on EARTH is happening ‘downstairs’?!!

before rushing off to make sure her preteen wasn’t doing something idiotic with dad’s trimmer.

 

Honestly, it’s enough to raise one’s eyebrows…

 

via GIPHY

If you liked this, you’ll love this news article about a certain hopelessly disorganised mother!

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Comments

Comments

42 Comments on Extreme Beauty Craze Claims Mum of Three as First Victim

  1. justsayingmum
    May 8, 2017 at 8:18 am (2 months ago)

    Just hilarious! I hear you Mrs Prabulous. I hear you! What has the world come to? Is anyone safe? Can we hope to get through one day without being confronted by, what I can only call, the slug?!

    Reply
  2. Kirsty - Winnettes
    May 8, 2017 at 2:55 pm (2 months ago)

    I think if no other lesson was learned it is that having breakfast with your children is dangerous! Goodness only knows what these girls are doing breeding caterpillars on their foreheads…. I’m a little scared that we may be reaching plague proportions. As for the ‘down below’ question rumour has it there is such a thing as Brazilian regret and women are actually having hair transplanted back in!! We’re officially back to 70’s liberation. #BigPinkLink

    Reply
  3. Heather Keet
    May 8, 2017 at 9:21 pm (2 months ago)

    I laughed so hard I could barely breathe!!!! #CandidCuddles

    Reply
  4. Liz Deacle
    May 9, 2017 at 7:53 am (2 months ago)

    Love it Prabs !
    I’m a little worried as my nearly 16 year old boy said to me the other day that he wanted to do something with his eyebrows …Whhaaat???
    #candidcuddles

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 9, 2017 at 9:16 am (2 months ago)

      ah glad you enjoyed it but mercy me…PLEASE HAVE A WORD with your son lol

      Reply
  5. Fi - Beauty Baby and Me
    May 9, 2017 at 7:54 am (2 months ago)

    OMG Prabs! All I can say is you’ve seriously put a smile back on my face! This is genius! xxx #candidcuddles

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 9, 2017 at 9:16 am (2 months ago)

      glad it made you smile lovely. had fun writing it that’s for sure!

      Reply
    • prabs
      May 9, 2017 at 2:04 pm (1 month ago)

      ha ha I love that word! that’s a keeper. thank you.

      Reply
  6. Helena
    May 9, 2017 at 8:21 pm (1 month ago)

    I was unaware of it. Then again I’m unaware of all the trends. #candidcuddles

    Reply
  7. Rhyming with Wine
    May 9, 2017 at 8:28 pm (1 month ago)

    Prabs! This is one of the best things I’ve read in ages! I thought it was just me that had a total aversion to the humungabrow revolution? My own sister has had a pair tattooed on and keeps showing me videos of microblading under some sort of illusion that I’ll be impressed by the whole ridiculous carry on. I have brows. I yank a few straggly wanderers out every now and then if they go off piste and end up around my chin somewhere. That’s pretty much it. I don’t need to define them. It’s enough that I carry them around on my face all day. This has just made my evening and my cheeks now ache. Thanks! 🙂 #DreamTeam x

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 9, 2017 at 8:37 pm (1 month ago)

      Oh my goodness my husband did say the post may put some noses out of joint because everyone knows someone who’s got the slug brows! So glad you found it funny. There are some who have taken it a bit too seriously which is another form of comedy right there. Thanks for the fab comment.

      Reply
  8. JAne Taylor Maflingo
    May 9, 2017 at 9:23 pm (1 month ago)

    Love this!!!!! You are not alone, lady!!! I just don’t get it!!!!! Then again, I’ve never had a manicure, fake tan or pedicure…I only discovered hair straighteners in my 30’s after spending my 20’s looking like a crazed muppet!!! Now crazed muppet eyebrows are in!!! Brilliant prabs!

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 9, 2017 at 9:27 pm (1 month ago)

      I finally started doing manicures a year ago. But I’m soooooo rubbish I then leave them to rot on my broken nails. I’m just not into the uber grooming at all. Thanks for reading!

      Reply
  9. Tubbs
    May 10, 2017 at 11:02 am (1 month ago)

    I am reliably informed by an expert – my thirteen year old – I have great eyebrows. I have no clue what this actually means but I’m assuming it’s a good thing. I don’t know what I actually do to achieve this, but my brows look nothing like the ones in the photos. Thank the Lord!!!!!

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 10, 2017 at 11:24 am (1 month ago)

      That’s brilliant. We must be doing something right if we both have kids of that age who think the same thing.

      Reply
  10. Nicola Kentisbeer
    May 10, 2017 at 7:54 pm (1 month ago)

    I’m howling because I was born with eyebrows like this. It’s OK don’t panic – they’re not like it now! Well we spend our whole lives trying to get rid of hair and this lot are painting it all back on. They’ll all have beards & moustaches before we know it! Brilliant post and welcome to #tweensteensbeyond

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 10, 2017 at 9:33 pm (1 month ago)

      Oh my God Nicky thank heavens you took it the right way! Glad you enjoyed and thanks for hosting.

      Reply
  11. Mess and Merlot
    May 11, 2017 at 12:22 pm (1 month ago)

    My eyebrows seem to be disappearing by the day which seems very cruel given the current trend for mad furry catepillar styles. I was in Boots yesterday looking for a replacement brow pencil – OMG how many brow products???? At least the models in the promo shots look beautiful, unfortunately somewhere between Boots and every teenage girl’s bedroom things appear to have gone HORRIBLY wrong!! #coolmumclub

    Reply
  12. MMT
    May 11, 2017 at 8:14 pm (1 month ago)

    I have no idea where I stand on the whole eyebrow trend of late. It’s been bugging me a while now, ever since Miss Cara Delavigne came on the scene – yes she’s pretty, but what’s with the eyebrows? Kinda weird no?
    Another part of me is somewhat relieved as my daughters appear to have inherited my monobrow courtesy of my mediterranean roots. You won’t have noticed this when we met as I pluck my eyebrows twelve times a day. But my girls can perhaps have a naturally occurring on-point brow status… maybe.
    Off to scrutinise your instagram for our brows…
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 11, 2017 at 8:51 pm (1 month ago)

      Ha 12 times a day.

      Reply
  13. Angela Watling (Life, Motherhood and Everything)
    May 11, 2017 at 9:26 pm (1 month ago)

    Sounds quite traumatic! You’re braver than me for even going near those counters and brows. My brows would not be tolerated by them so I will steer clear indefinitely! #DreamTeam

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 12, 2017 at 12:07 pm (1 month ago)

      ha ha stay clear I say! thanks for reading

      Reply
  14. Emma Island Living 365
    May 12, 2017 at 10:15 am (1 month ago)

    Eye don’t browlieve it. Sorry, very poor attempt an eyebrow pun. I will stop now before it gets even more hairy (sorry I am now just stealing from you 😉 ) I am embracing the slugs because I have two mahoosive ones due to the fact that I am too lazy and can’t be bothered taming the wild slugs that are living on my face. However, mine are not as extreme as the ones you refer to! That is really is another level #FridayFrolics

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 12, 2017 at 12:09 pm (1 month ago)

      that pun is utter genius!!! I may have to steal that lol.

      Reply
  15. Cheryl @ Tea or Wine
    May 12, 2017 at 7:35 pm (1 month ago)

    Oh my goodness this is hilarious Prabs! I almost spat out my wine!! I completely and utterly agree and often feel like fainting myself. I have no idea what this huge eyebrow trend is all about. They should definitely frame and not overshadow! Are we old because we just don’t get this trend or are these girls completely oblivious to just how bizarre it can look?! Either way I do hope Mrs Prabs has soon recovered from her ordeal!! #CoolMumClub x

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 12, 2017 at 9:25 pm (1 month ago)

      lol thanks Cheryl. Sorry you nearly wasted precious wine

      Reply
  16. Mum in Brum
    May 12, 2017 at 10:41 pm (1 month ago)

    Hahahaha! Hilarious Prabs! Loved this and totally agree- I literally can’t stop looking at some people’s brows when I speak to them. I know that we were bad with the overplucking, but it’s been taken to a new level these days!! Hoping this craze will have passed by the time Taylor becomes interested in makeup! By the way – you need Wunderbrow if you just want to fill yours in a bit. I think they use it to gain the slug effect too, but obviously it depends how much you use! #coolmumclub x

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 12, 2017 at 11:20 pm (1 month ago)

      ok I’m secretly thankful for that product tip. Sssshhhhh don’t tell anyone! Thanks for reading Hun x

      Reply
  17. Annette, 3 Little Buttons
    May 14, 2017 at 4:50 pm (1 month ago)

    Haha! That’s priceless. Only you could write this. *Runs off to check eyebrows. Thanks for sharing with the #DreamTeam x

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 14, 2017 at 8:47 pm (1 month ago)

      Ha ha I hope that’s not a bad thing lol. Thanks love

      Reply
  18. Hannah Jane
    May 14, 2017 at 10:57 pm (1 month ago)

    Oh lovely, this is brilliantly hilarious! I must say I am guilty of a little eyebrow filling but some really do take them to the extreme, they can be so distracting! Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 14, 2017 at 11:05 pm (1 month ago)

      I have to admit I do love the pencil I bought from SMAC ssshhhh

      Reply
  19. Jo (MotherofTeenagers)
    May 15, 2017 at 8:48 am (1 month ago)

    Priceless. I am so with you, having grown up in the era of pencil thin and natural eyebrows I find this modern fascination with drawing on a large mono brow beyond bizarre, where are these girls’ mothers? Have they not noticed? My fear is that my eldest teen will appear with a girl on his arm one day with something similar. Thanks so much for linking. #TweensTeensBeyond

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 15, 2017 at 10:31 am (1 month ago)

      Oh my goodness you’ve made me howl on a Monday morning!

      Reply
  20. Susie at This is me now
    May 17, 2017 at 9:42 am (1 month ago)

    Hahaha this is so funny grabs. I blame that girl off the rimmel ads – Clara someone!?! There’s a strong look, and well, a strong look! #coolmumclub

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 17, 2017 at 9:50 am (1 month ago)

      ooh I don’t know. my rimmel days are behind me don’t you know. I go to SMAC now 🙂

      Reply
  21. Crummy Mummy
    May 17, 2017 at 5:11 pm (1 month ago)

    I’m quite glad big eyebrows are ‘in’ as mine tend to have a mind of their own… #coolmumclub

    Reply
  22. Heather Burnett
    May 18, 2017 at 12:19 am (1 month ago)

    LOVE IT!!! I’ve been so concerned about my eyebrows…wondering if they would ever be on fleek…Thanks for the new perspective! #globalblogging

    Reply
  23. Petite Words
    May 19, 2017 at 11:15 am (1 month ago)

    HA HA AH HA! It’s one of those things people just get blind to, I say IGNORE trends (fashion, makeup and otherwise). I honestly think it’s the designers way of taking the piss! #blogcrush

    Reply
  24. Wendy
    May 24, 2017 at 10:59 am (4 weeks ago)

    I think this is one my favourite blog posts ever, can not stop laughing. I don’t understand the whole eyebrow thing either, I have too much to do in life than draw on massive browse anyway!xx #BlogCrush

    Reply
    • prabs
      May 24, 2017 at 2:46 pm (4 weeks ago)

      ha ha ah I’m glad it made you laugh so much. it was a hoot to write that’s for sure.

      Reply

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