As a Blogger/Writer, I Find There Are Ideas That Stand Out as Worth Writing About and Others I’ve Never Considered.
There are those that are probably best left as silly questions in my head…such as:
- Why do I hate grocery shopping with such passion that I leave it for so long, we’re practically licking the walls to stay alive?
- Does it really count as cheating on my husband if I have a naughty dream about Jon Hamm of Mad Men?
- Will I ever read an actual book again or will it be #BlogsForLife?
- Why haven’t I had a naughty dream about Jon Hamm yet dammit?
- How did Orange Donald get into the Oval Office? (“Quite easily actually Prabs, he just walked in through the door” is not an acceptable answer.)
- Why do I still look Iike I’m drowning even though I’ve learned how to do the free style swimming stroke?
However, You Know What I NEVER EXPECTED TO WRITE?
“Don’t Glitter Bomb Your Vagina”. That.
Yes, dear reader, women are shoving glitter capsules up their Lady Garden. For the uninitiated, glitter bombing is the term given to the act of inserting capsules into one’s vajayjay to enhance one’s sexual experience. The capsules, described as a bedroom novelty aid, go by the name of Passion Dust and from what I’ve read on the site that sells them, they work as follows. The sparkalised (is that even a word?) capsule is inserted into the female’s special place at least one hour prior to doing the deed, so that it can react to the naturally warm moist conditions, consequently dissolving and releasing the capsule’s glittery, sweet flavoured contents.
What’s The Point of the Sweet Flavour?
Think about it…and if it’s still unclear, wait til you get further down, no pun intended. (Well, aliright, a little bit.) Now, I’d hate to think of myself as set in my ways. Okay okay, it took me over a decade to discover that women were removing it all down there, resulting in their ‘down there’ looking like that of a prepubescent teen rather than a grown woman’s. Yep, just as I was thinking that leaving a ‘landing strip’ was bold and brave, I found out everyone else was bald and shaved [boom tish].
I also thought I was ahead of my time with the lasering thing and that my husband should buy me flowers just for enduring that special form of hell (no, I’m not going to explain the ‘additional benefits’ of lasering *cough*). Then I thought I was hallucinating when I read an article about the concept of vajazzling (glamming up your nether region with sparkles and shiny bits, for those of you not in the know). Admittedly, that is all related to the grooming and upkeep of one’s vajayjay.
Glitter bombing, however, is nothing to do with how tidy one’s garden is and everything to do with how fragrant the flowers are for the person visiting it. Personally, I’m not interested. As an Asian woman, I have a full-time job just keeping the blooming garden (oh it really is a blooming garden) pruned, never mind planting pretty flowers in it too, for crap’s sake.
And frankly, if the visiting party doesn’t like the natural conditions of the lady garden, maybe they shouldn’t visit the garden. Re the actual glitter side of things, as far as I’m concerned, call me conventional but I prefer to keep that stuff in the kids’ arts and crafts cupboard, not inside myself.
Bad Metaphors and Jokes Aside, This Craze/Fad Is Causing Some Concern on the Health Front.
So much so that doctors and gynaecologists are warning against this practice because of the potential fairly obvious risks presented by these capsules. Pop Science pulled no punches with its hilariously titled article Do We Need a Weekly Series of Things You Shouldn’t Put Up Your Vagina Now? Priceless! Net Doctor has also published an article about its scepticism on this subject. I myself don’t need convincing not to randomly insert things down there. I’m that person who waits until she’s in proper agony before even taking a headache tablet. I say my prayers each month when having to use tampons as I don’t know what they’re made from. And having my nails done and occasionally colouring my greys (sssh) is as far as I go with using ‘unnatural synthetic non organic’ products on my body so you can imagine how careful I am about what I put IN it 🙂 (stop it…).
Also is it just me or – apart from the potential hazard of infections – has anybody else noticed the comical irony re how these are used? Surely the ‘insert one hour before’ instruction pretty much kills the spontaneity aspect? Maybe they’re not so great for ‘energetic active’ college students (probably the biggest potential customers??) who are caught up ‘in the heat of the moment’…or indeed anybody who doesn’t schedule their sexual activity? Did I laugh? Just a bit.
So, if You ARE Considering Buying This Stuff, Here Are 5 Reasons You May Still Want To Do Your Research Before Smearing Your Gates Of Heaven With It!
- The inventor and retailer of this product has so far been unable to come up with a robust, reliable or mature explanation or defense of the product:
Claiming that Passion Dust is safe before immediately following this statement up with: ‘The small particles of glitter could trigger an attack for people who suffer from asthma if ingested during oral sex’ is almost comical.
‘We did not say that the glitter was FDA approved, we said that the ingredients used are FDA approved’ sounds like something an evasive politician would say (I wonder how Theresa May would handle this)
‘You shouldn’t have sex without a condom’ is a ridonkulous statement considering the number of people in long term relationships/marriages who use alternative contraception to condoms.
- There is the risk of infection as mentioned above (yes the retailer covers this aspect on the Q&A page but again, the section about infection is hardly professionally tackled).
- From reading the limited information available on the site (which incidentally looks like it was hastily and shoddily put together and does not inspire confidence in my opinion), the list of what is IN the capsules is sketchy)
- The need to insert the product one hour before the sexual act is rather impractical
- If the theory ‘what goes in must come out’ is anything to go by, surely this product will lead to a lot of glittering penises [oh the jokes I could crack] which may seem like a novel idea but…seriously? Can you imagine the erm ‘fallout’ of that delightful scenario? Wrecked underwear…itchiness…oh and the laundry!
Why Should You Care What I Get Up to Prabs? My body. My life.
Well yes, of course. It is absolutely a person’s prerogative to do what they want with their body, be that tattooing, eyebrow microblading, skin piercing, boob job, Botox and so on. But health is wealth, as the saying goes. Vaginal health is really important and it can take the slightest thing to upset the delicate balance of this part of the body. Seriously ladies, do you need me to remind you of how utterly hellish it is to be in pain down there. Why risk it til we know more about these capsules?!
All I’m Saying is That Experimenting With What Appears to Be an Insufficiently Tested Product About Which Not Much Is Known At This Time, Needs Serious thought.
Alright, so I may be a late adopter, as my husband once described me. I may be the one who’s usually the last to know about a craze of any kind be it fashion/music/sport/beauty/intimate products-related. I’m the person least interested in newest gadgets (no I’m not talking about that kind despite the topic of the post!). I’m not the eager beaver (no pun intended) who jumps on a waiting list for this season’s handbag or queues up bright and early at the department store for the release of the new must-have cosmetic (I need my sleep too much and no cosmetic is that good). However, I’m no prude or ingenue who is awkward over matters of a bedroom nature. I’m just using my noggin!
So, Late Adopter, Trend-Setter, Fad-Follower, Boudoir Innocent or Anything-Goes-Adventurer…
Whichever one you are, maybe steer clear of Passion Dust for now ok? Right, I’m off to make a cup of tea and a list of things I must not put in my special place, just in case I forget as I AM a bit scatty.
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