The #OopsFiles 6: Guest Blogger Motherhood The Real Deal

 

shocked baby face #OopsFiles 6I’m delighted that this week’s OopsFiler – ooh look at me, I just made that up! – is one of my favourite bloggers and my very own blog wife don’t you know, Motherhood The Real Deal.  I guess you could say that so far, my guest post series has included stories of mainly ‘self-inflicted’ disaster (here are the #OopsFiles featured to date if you’ve missed them). But sometimes, my  OopsFiler’s post involves a ‘disaster’ inflicted by someone else.  And occasionally, that some one else is a small person…a small person belonging to erm the OopsFiler themselves, no less.  Dear oh dear….


 

Ouch title image #OopsFiles 6
Readers of my blog may know that I rather love(d)the expression “better than a poke in the eye”. You will find my blog posts littered with it, thrown around carefree in a s***-spraying type manner, with very little regard for what it actually means to be poked in the eye. Yes, full on, poked in the eye, with the full force of a toddler’s finger, right where it really hurts.

Never again will I use the phrase so lightly.

Because I now know, in no uncertain terms, what it actually means to be poked in the eye.

AND QUITE CLEARLY NOTHING COMES ANYWHERE NEAR AS BAD TO IT!!!!

We all know the kid-inflicted injuries can be brutal, heart-stopping, gut-wrenching atrocities. From trying to head butt your brain right out of your skull, to excrutiating scooter-shin which comes from thinking you are clever by hooking the scooter they only used for a split second onto the buggy annihilating your shin in the process.

But being poked square in the eye has to take the absolute biscuit. You would have thought after two and a half years around a little being who has absolutely no regard for your own health, safety and well-being I would have learned by now not to have let my guard down. In hindsight, being in close physical proximity to any toddler should only be approached while wearing a head shield a la Darth Vader like this one…

Darth Vader pic

And God do I wish I had had one that fateful bath-time last weekend.

I was about to be on the receiving end of the mother of all OOOOPS progressing into OOOOOUCH then OOOOOH MYYYY GODDDD then WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS moments.

I had finally got my toddler tyke into the bath, then out of the bath (huzzah!), and we were heading for the pyjama home run with a little cuddle action as a sweetener. The next thing I knew, I was blinded and experiencing a sensation much like someone shoving a piece of Lego in your eye, or Edward Scissor hands trying to pick out a bit of bum fluff from your pupil.

Cue WAILLLLLLLLLING LIKE A BANSHEEEEEEE (much like at childbirth).

 

Growling monster

Add insult to injury by toddler laughing in my face. And no, it wasn’t an awkward moment laugh but a Look at you, you silly big idiot of a big girl I am an evil egomanic that has absolutely no empathy in such situations kind of laugh.

I sloped off clutching my oops! of an eye leaving the perpetrator in my wake of pain. She was on her own now. This was about survival so of course I swiftly passed the toddler buck on to daddy.

The problem with a major poke in the eye is not only do you have the constant reminder of this oops moment in the form of a throbbing pain FOR DAYS but you also have the visual representation of it too in the form of an eye patch.

When you think eye patches you might think a hot (or perhaps not-so) swash buckling pirate, or perhaps a be-jewelled Gabrielle. Personally I sort of visualised myself looking a bit like this:

sexy pirate pic

 

Nope, not for me…a cotton pad plastered on with a bit of masking tape was all we could rustle up. I’ll be off to raid the craft box for some glitter later.

pirate pic

 

Motherhood the Real Deal logoTalya is a freelance writer & blogger.  Driven by the pure frustration (and of course amazing experience!) that is motherhood, and her disbelief at how much people don’t talk about or share, she created Motherhood: The Real Deal to get some of the issues and struggles mothers should be aware of out there.
Follow Talya on Twitter and Facebook

If you’d you like to take part in the #OopsFiles Guest Post series click here for details


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Comments

Comments

28 Comments on The #OopsFiles 6: Guest Blogger Motherhood The Real Deal

  1. justsayingmum
    March 14, 2016 at 4:27 pm (2 months ago)

    Oh my lordy lou that sounds absolutely terrifyingly horrific! Great entertaining post though – which seems so wrong to say given the incident but you never fail to make me giggle – I do hope you got lots of sympathy from your family because seriously I would have milked that injury for weeks and I do hope you’ve had no lasting damage (see I can be serious when needs must!) #bigpinklink

    Reply
  2. wendy
    March 14, 2016 at 4:55 pm (2 months ago)

    Owww, this sounds so painful. Laughing to myself at the thought of having to wall around with an eye patch made of masking tape!!I nope this never happens to me, I’m going to wear my glasses more often for protection. Loving the oops files!xx #bigpinklink

    Reply
    • prabs
      March 14, 2016 at 10:56 pm (2 months ago)

      Thanks Wendy. You know you need to send me an oops don’t you? lol.

      Reply
  3. Talya
    March 15, 2016 at 2:39 pm (2 months ago)

    Thanks so much for having me blog wifey I feel pained just reading this! x

    Reply
    • prabs
      March 15, 2016 at 9:30 pm (2 months ago)

      Any time. Thanks for taking part!

      Reply
  4. PinkPearBear
    March 15, 2016 at 9:03 pm (2 months ago)

    Ow!!! My friend had a poke in the eye from her son and it actually scratched the lens and a year on and she is still having problems, it looked very close to her having an operation at one point. It really is no joke!! I hope it heals quickly for you soon. Thanks for linking these up with us Prabbers. Really enjoying the series! #bigpinklink

    Reply
  5. Alan aka omgitsagirl2015
    March 15, 2016 at 10:18 pm (2 months ago)

    Oh the pain. Yes it does make it worse that the little people think our agony they inflicted is so funny.

    Reply
  6. My Petit Canard
    March 15, 2016 at 11:15 pm (2 months ago)

    Yikes! Sounds painful and Im sure it was. What often makes things worst about being injured by your children, is that they usually have no concept or regard of the pain theyve just inflicted on you which just makes everything so much worse. Totally feel your pain! Emily

    Reply
    • prabs
      March 15, 2016 at 11:39 pm (2 months ago)

      I think cling film wrapping the kids may be the way to go…

      Reply
  7. Random Musings
    March 16, 2016 at 12:21 am (2 months ago)

    Ouch! Although hilarious to read, i’m guessing it wasn’t funny at the time (except for the toddler!) – eyes are so sensitive at the best of times.

    Reply
  8. Ellen
    March 16, 2016 at 3:24 pm (2 months ago)

    Ouch! This made me wince. The worst I’ve had so far is painful hair pulling, which has definitely made me swear while my baby looks on indifferently! #BloggerClubUK

    Reply
    • prabs
      March 16, 2016 at 9:03 pm (2 months ago)

      I love the mental image of a baby looking on indifferently.

      Reply
  9. This Mum's Life
    March 16, 2016 at 8:40 pm (2 months ago)

    Oh god, that made my eyes water!!!!!! You do get a proper ‘right, you’re on your bloody own’ moment when stuff like that happens, don’t you?!! I hope there’s no lasting damage…! My littlest bites like a blood starved vampire, and his bites have sometimes brought me to tears!! These kids are dangerous!
    #bestandworst

    Reply
    • prabs
      March 16, 2016 at 9:03 pm (2 months ago)

      Luckily I’ve escaped unscathed all these years. Maybe my time’s to come…teen years?

      Reply
  10. Min
    March 16, 2016 at 11:06 pm (2 months ago)

    Piglet pokes me in the eye on a regular basis. I also LOVE the phrase “better than a poke in the eye….” and usually finish it with “…with a short stick.” Apparently it’s supposed to be sharp stick but I misheard. Oops.

    Reply
    • prabs
      March 16, 2016 at 11:22 pm (2 months ago)

      you must have hardened eyeballs to take such regular abuse!

      Reply
  11. Square Peg Mum
    March 17, 2016 at 12:23 am (2 months ago)

    haha the pictures on this post are so funny! having been subjected to a head butt and a double handed face slap today whilst trying to catch a Mother/Son moment in the sunshine selfie I can whole heartedly sympathise!

    Reply
    • prabs
      March 17, 2016 at 9:31 pm (2 months ago)

      ooh my that sounds painful!

      Reply
  12. Mama, My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows
    March 17, 2016 at 2:01 am (2 months ago)

    Ouch! Yeah, had a few bumps and bashes but avoided this one so far. My fav version of that expression is ‘Better than a kick in the crotch’. Unfortunately my tot has inflicted that one upon me.

    #fartglitter

    Reply
    • prabs
      March 17, 2016 at 9:38 pm (2 months ago)

      Glad you lived to tell the tale

      Reply
  13. Carry On Katy
    March 17, 2016 at 8:26 am (2 months ago)

    Jeez!!! There’s nothing worse that being poked in the ball…my heart goes out to you and I hope you and your ball make a full recovery. In the meantime, perhaps get yourself down to Claires Accessories and see if you can pick up some pretty stick-on jewels to jazz up that eye patch. If you’re going to have a hideous injury then you may as well rock it and make it a sparkly one.
    Oh, and I find drinking shitloads.of wine takes the edge off most pains.
    #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • prabs
      March 17, 2016 at 9:39 pm (2 months ago)

      ha ha that is sound advice Katy!

      Reply
  14. Emma
    March 17, 2016 at 8:54 am (2 months ago)

    Ouch!!!! This is one child related injury I have managed to avoid due to wearing glasses most of the time. Who knew that they were also saving me from eye related injuries. Great post #coolmumclub

    Reply
    • prabs
      March 17, 2016 at 9:39 pm (2 months ago)

      specs are actually very protective (she said sensibly)

      Reply
  15. Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap)
    March 17, 2016 at 9:33 am (2 months ago)

    eee this sounds nasty and a lasting injury? EEk must have been a good poke! I am yet to experience this one but whenever I do get injured by my daughter, of course it is hilarious. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

    Reply
  16. Talya
    March 17, 2016 at 3:07 pm (2 months ago)

    Lordy lordy re-reading this again over on #coolmumclub and wincing from the pain! Thanks for linking up blog wifey xx

    Reply
  17. MMT
    March 17, 2016 at 9:31 pm (2 months ago)

    Oh no Talya! You obvs weren’t wearing your safety specs aka cool mum shades at bath time then? #schoolboyerror Ha ha!
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub Prabs

    Reply
  18. Agent Spitback
    March 19, 2016 at 12:02 am (2 months ago)

    Ouch!! Yep, a Darth Vader mask would have been handy and honestly, your cool factor rises by ten thousand notches. Imagine saying “I am your MOTHER!” in a female Darth Vader voice. I have been socked by the kids in the eye too many times too. You would never think that someone so small could inflict so much pain. Oh yes, I usually eat chocolate in self-pity afterwards, that is a valid reason, right? ….#coolmumclub

    Reply

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