Hubster came home the other evening and said “Guess what I was doing last night?” to which I thought Heavens above, I don’t wanna know. “I was trawling the Web” he said, to which I just thought Ok, you really need to stop talking right now. “I was looking at dogs” he continued, and I thought Man that’s not a nice thing to call the women on ‘those’ sites. We then had a discussion about the best family dogs. Sorry to disappoint if you thought I was going somewhere else with this.
You see, the unthinkable has happened. We (and by we I mean Mama Prabulous) can’t stop thinking about getting a dog. Yep, me: a self-confessed-not-exactly-animal-lover-type (what can I say? I’m Indian) especially animals that bark and poo and moult.
Well that was me, before my epiphany:
Basically, we spent quite a few Sundays this Winter hiking with Baker Lady who often brought a friend’s dog along with her. To my surprise the kids totally loved running around the Maltese countryside with the dog and I found myself thinking more and more that a dog would be great for the kids. Yes, I know…a few sunny afternoons dog-sitting after which you hand the dog back (and at no point have to handle its toilet issues) are not the same as the full-time responsibility of having one yourself.
Then I had a second epiphany:
It’s not the family that needs a dog. It’s me! Here’s the thing. I shut down the baby-making factory a while ago and now that my kids aren’t babies anymore, I need another baby to look after (and presumably need my head testing too after that comment). I mean, I’m SO on top of the whole cleaning-laundry-shopping-blog-cooking-childrearing-exercise-life-in-general thing that I have loads of spare time and energy to spend on training and caring for a dog. (Can you detect the ‘mild’ sarcasm?)
But there’s a bit of a ‘hereditary’ setback to us getting a canine friend. I’m not entirely sure how to say this diplomatically. Luckily for me I don’t care too much about diplomacy on here so I’ll just spit it out and say:
Historically Indian people are not well known for keeping domestic animals.
Well, not keeping them in the ‘treating them as part of the family’ sense anyway. When I was growing up, I knew only one Indian family who had a pet of any kind. And they weren’t too good at the caring and nurturing thing. ‘A dog is a man’s best friend?’ Ha, most Asian families I knew just saw a dog as a man’s dirty, smelly, fear-inducing bane. And so did I.
Fast forward some thirty (ahem) years and guess what?
Yep, I still only know one Indian family with a dog! But this Indian, dear reader, oh this Indian has been researching breeds on the google machine, gazing longingly at random dogs in the street and asking their owners questions. No idea how I’ve done such a u-turn. Recently, we were at our new fave beach when a load of dogs descended filling up the place. A year ago, I’d haven been majorly hacked off at having my peaceful afternoon wrecked by a bunch of noisy pests turning up, sniffing each other’s genitals, splashing sea water everywhere and running all over the beach causing a mini sandstorm before shaking themselves off right next to me.
But that’s enough about my kids.
Oh stop…don’t tell me you didn’t see that one coming.
Seriously, this time? I wasn’t even remotely annoyed. Instead, I mentally picked out my favourite canine, cooed and aahed at it and stroked its wet doggy self.
Yet everyone I’ve spoken to has warned me off getting one
(everyone bar one friend who’s laid back about everything anyway so I’m not sure his opinion counts). Bizarrely, most of these people have dogs! Selfie Gal even said “Prabs you’re not a dog person” which momentarily confused me because I’m sure there’s a bitch in me somewhere. Anyway, now I’m in a quandary and can’t decide whether to get a four-legged housemate or not.
I think it pretty much comes down to the answers to the following:
1. Can dogs help with maths homework?
2. Could I get canine handcuffs to make it harder for it to wreck the entire house?
3. Can they come up with a breed that doesn’t shit?
4. How good are dogs at doing the dishes?
5. Can I wrap it in clingfilm to avoid it shedding everywhere?
6. If I stick Sat Nav on it with our home address, could it go walkies and find its own way back home when Mama Prabulous is too busy doing laundry? (By ‘doing laundry’ I mean watching Adam Levine on repeat.)
7. How easy is it to get a Prabulous-size dog? I’m on the petite side (translation: I never grew) so there’s no point getting something the size of a horse that sends me flying into the dining table with one wag of its tail.
8. Would my Maltese neighbours think I’d finally lost it if they hear me calling “Pankaj!”…”Ramesh!”…”Sunita!”…? (Wait til I tell them my friend’s dog is called Pocahontas.)
Can you spot the problem here? (No pun intended with the use of the word ‘spot’ in a post about dogs…I’m not that good.) Not exactly dog-savvy am I?
So if you hear about a brown woman and three mini brown people accosting dog owners in the street, don’t worry, it’s just me and my family trying to get some answers…
You know…because generally, Indians don’t do dogs.
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