So in a week where I managed to miss a girls’ night because I didn’t read the details on the invite properly and came seriously close to using a tube of ear drops to stick my son’s birthday cupcake decorations together, thinking it was a bottle of sugar glue, I thought it a good idea to see if I’d actually done or learned anything constructive this past week. I think I have.
And being the kind gal that I am, I’m sharing these lessons with you. For free. You can thank me later.
1) It is perfectly possible to go running at 9am and still not have showered by 3pm and yet not have a friggin’ clue what the hell you did between 9 and 3 to make this possible.
2) Animal print dresses never did anyone any good. Nuff said.
3) Grasp the simple fact that your kid’s birthday is always on the same date every year. Never changes. Don’t let it creep up on you and shout SURPRISE! in your brain three days before, sending you into a hot blind panic about how much there is to do with such ‘short notice’.
4) If you’re a stay-at-home mum and 3) sounds eerily familiar to you, do not admit it to your working mum friends. They’ll despise you.
5) Unless you plan to wear thongs well into old age, just accept that Visible Panty Line will become a natural part of your life at some stage. Go with it.
6) Camel Toe. It will eventually get you. Sorry.
7) Try to make sure that 5) and 6) don’t happen to you on the same day. It’s just not fair on those around you.
8) The phrase “my house looks like it’s been burgled” is not always entirely accurate when describing the mess. (Those of you with pristine homes, look away now.) Take my house for example (please somebody take my house and clean it.) If a burglar got in, they’d think “Nah. I can’t work in these conditions” and tidy up first.
9) Always read everything properly. Do not buy your child a birthday card that says Happy Birthday Cousin. Ditto invites to Ladies’ Poker Night etc.
10) If you play tennis on Monday, run on Tuesday, do pilates on Wednesday, have a tennis class on Thursday and do yoga on Friday, there is NOTHING wrong with sticking your face in the Nutella jar on Saturday.
That’s it. So what lessons have you learned recently?