Ever wanted to march someone else’s kid straight out of your house because they’re subjecting your child to the play date from hell? Or wondered if they’re fed a diet consisting solely of M&M’s, gummy bears and doughnuts, they’re so unable to sit still for five seconds? Whether it’s a quick playground rendezvous after school, a play date at someone’s house or a sleepover, let’s face it, sometimes hanging out with other peoples’ kids can be a bit erm, well, challenging. I confirmed a regular Thursday playground date with a friend of mine the other day and commented on how cute her son is. Her reply cracked me up. Let’s just say she was quite ‘verbal’ and didn’t exactly echo my sentiment as he’s driving her nuts at the moment. And this got me thinking about what parents say…
Here’s the thing…what she said is something I have no right to say myself, nor would I as he’s absolutely lovely. Oh yeah and because it’s just not right or socially acceptable to go around making certain comments about other people’s kids. Did that stop us from having a giggle over the kind of things we’d love to actually say sometimes, though? Hell no! Et voilà… Thanks to my friend, another blog post idea was born.
So I got to work carrying out extensive research canvassing other parents – well alright, I spoke to two girlfriends who’ve got kids – and came up with a list: What parents say about other parents’ kids and what they really mean. It’s just for fun. Kind of. No honestly, I’m just kidding around. Of course, I’ve never had these thoughts myself. Well, only sometimes… JOKE.
Disclaimer: To any of my friends reading this…relax…none of these are inspired by your kids!
1. Awww, he interacts so well with other kids, doesn’t he?
If that Neanderthal pushes my kid off the slide one more time, I’ll push him into the sandpit when your back’s turned.
2. I’m so happy our kids are in the same class.
I hope your kid’s in another class next year. Or another school.
3. He’s full of beans isn’t he, bless him?
If the hyperactive little turd bangs on my glass coffee table one more time, I won’t be responsible for my actions.
4. My word, isn’t she articulate?
For the love of God, does she ever shut up?
5. He’s been great; he was SO fascinated by our toys.
He asked me 25 times if he could take my kid’s lego home and then I caught the bugger sneaking it into his backpack.
6. It’s so lovely when kids have good manners isn’t it?
Did you raise your kids in the jungle?
7. Don’t you just love how inquisitive kids are?
She didn’t stop asking me questions from the moment I picked her up from your house til the minute you turned up to collect her. My mouth has gone dry.
8. They’ve had a great time and occupied themselves for hours.
I have no idea what they were doing up there. On the plus side, I did manage to watch an entire season of Homeland.
9. She has such a clever little head on her.
She’s such an argumentative smart arse, it’s a bloody miracle you haven’t put her up for adoption.
10. Your son is hilarious…he’s got a great sense of adventure.
I have to disinfect every toy we own. Who on earth told him it’s ok to do THAT with marbles?
11. Your little angel offered to help me tidy; I wish my kids did that!
Next time if the little witch goes into my bedroom, messes about with my wardrobe and then tries to put everything back, I’ll lock her inside it.
12. Awww your lot have got a healthy appetite haven’t they?
There is literally no food left for my kids.
13. He’s really focussed when he’s playing; nothing distracts him does it?
He ignored me literally every time I spoke to him.
14. They’re such sporty kids; you must be so proud.
I can’t believe you put a trophy cabinet right by your front door…they’re just participation medals for goodness sake.
15. They were soooo excited as it was their first sleepover.
Seriously, what possessed me inviting them over? I finally had to slip brandy into their milk to make them go to sleep.
16. They’re welcome at ours any time; they were an absolute pleasure.
I’m moving house.
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