13 Confessions of A Housewife

 

I had a surreal dream the other night.

(impressive because I don’t usually dream) that I’m pretty sure featured some famous actor type in it. Nope I’m not going to share the details because a) having three kids has destroyed my brain and I can’t remember who he was (there are no words to describe how cheated I feel by this…NO words) b) even if I could remember the details, it would be just my luck that my mother or one of my kids’ teachers or that helpful lady at the bank who I probably shouldn’t have mentioned my blog to, would read this post and be slightly stunned by the revelation. Of course, knowing my dumb luck, nothing exciting even happened and he probably just changed my car’s tyre or told me where the washing powder aisle was at the supermarket (because only in dreams do weird things like that happen).

Anyway, my mind wandered a bit and I got to thinking about this motley crew.

Okay, perhaps my mind wandered a bit too far.. I am married after all. Married, in fact, to a man who trumps all of these guys (I have to say this because that nice lady at the bank might miss this post but HE won’t). It turns out, they’re no threat because the more I thought about it, the more I realised it just wouldn’t work out between me or any of them. No, it’s not because one of them’s young enough to be my son and one of them’s old enough be my dad. Or the small fact that they’re all screamingly famous so I wouldn’t stand a chance anyway. Stop coming up with your own theories, thank you very much Now, do you really want to know why? Of course you do!

So here are some confessions…

13-confessions-by-a-housewife

 

Warning: get the blood pressure tablets ready.

1. Bradley Cooper

bradley-cooper-web

Oh Bradders. Why so orange? I’ll tell you why: Too much fricking fake tan. Silly boy.

2. Idris Elba

idris-web

You are THE man. But how can I put this? We’re from physiologically different origins. Basically, you’d hurt me.

3. Henry Cavill

henry-cavill-web

Yeah, you’re gorgeous with that yummy accent of yours plus the fact that you’re a fellow Brit helps. But how I can I take you seriously, when you wear your underpants over your clothes, mon cher Henri?

4. Matt Bomer

mat-bomer-web

First, you’re gay. Second, even if you weren’t, there’s no way I’m changing my name to Bomer. Because Boner. Sorry mate but I can’t keep a straight face over things that aren’t even half that funny.

5. Adam Levine

adam-levine-inner-post-we3b

Oh Adam ADAM! Of all the men in all the world… YES, YES, YES! I mean I just know you wrote Animals and Sugar for me, you lovely man. (Thanks awfully by the way.) But all those tattoos…I’d just get distracted and stop in the middle of ‘proceedings’ to read you.

6. Ryan Gosling

ryan-gosling-web

Here’s the thing…I would. But you’re all loved up with that Eva. Now, I may be a strong Punjabi woman but man those Latina girls… I’m no match. All fiery temper and hypnotic wiggly hips. Nah. Not worth the headache, mate.

7. Johnny Depp

johnny-depp-web

Once upon a time. Yes, defo. You could have been my very own Pirate of the Mediterranean. (See what I did there?). Now? You look like you need a shower JD.

8. Ian Somerhalder

ian-somerhalder-wb

I just have this weird feeling we’d never leave the house. Not because of non stop rabbit-like activity. But because you look so well groomed I don’t think you ever leave the bathroom much less the bedroom. Be a love and move along now.

9. Jude Law

judelaw-web

Hey Jude (I know…me so original). Look I don’t blame you. It’s just that receding hairline. Now I admit my beloved Hubster hath no hair (what can I say…I think the stress of meeting me made it all fall out). But he was like that from early on so no surprises there. But you Jude on the other hand, YOU won me over in the 90’s and noughties with that full head of hair. Alas, now you’ve lived up to your name and it turns out you’re a proper JUDAS for letting it fall out, mate. Okay, so maybe I do blame you.

10. Robert Downey Junior

robertdowney-web

Because you’d break my heart. I’ve always known it. And besides, I’d fall asleep waiting for you to get out of that damned red metal suit thing judging by how many times it malfunctioned in Iron Man 3 (seriously man it took f-o-r-e-v-e-r ). Can’t. Deal.

11. Zak Efron

zacefron-web

You really do seem like a nice guy and all. But there’s just no room in my life for someone with that amount of hair product. NO ROOM you hear me? Plus I reckon I’m old enough to be your mum. #AintNoCougar

 

12. Tom Cruise

tom-cruise-web

Not it’s not the most recent pic but it’s a good one ha ha. Have to admit I’m tempted because a) I want to relive that Jerry Maguire scene and tell you to show me the money (seriously show me the money right now) b) I’m RIDONKulously excited at the thought of not needing a step stool just to reach you as you’re barely taller than me. But that megawatt smile of yours. Soooo 80’s. Sooo over it.

 

13. Liam Neeson

liamneeson-web Mr Neeson…oh Mr Neeson…honestly I’d love to. You’re a man’s man. That gravelly voice. Those brooding eyes. I love that. And that accent. Oh God help me.

But you see I’m… wait for it…

…TAKEN.

Drops mic. Exits stage left.

P.S. Please note Justin Timberlake and Dave Grohl have been omitted for a reason…I’m still clinging to hope.

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Merci beaucoup.

Linked this post to:

Friday Frolics
Baby Brain Memoirs
And then the fun began...
Modern Dad Pages
Domesticated Momster
You Baby Me Mummy

Comments

Comments

55 Comments on 13 Confessions of A Housewife

  1. Trista, Domesticated Momster
    September 11, 2015 at 9:47 pm (2 years ago)

    Great post Prabs! As always! Although Jude is a cheater with the nanny no less and such a cliche’ Robert Downey Jr. has done so much coke that I don’t know if his mind is probably all there anymore…and Tom Cruise…I loathe that man and if I ever saw him in public would probably throat punch him and then tattoo postpartum depression across his forehead. Ok here’s your mic back lol

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 11, 2015 at 9:58 pm (2 years ago)

      That is hilarious!!

      Reply
  2. Notting Hill Daddy
    September 12, 2015 at 12:41 am (2 years ago)

    Prabulously fabulous post !!

    Your humour and one-liners are so raw that the reader has barely time to stop laughing before being hit again by another well timed punch line.

    Now about the subject in hand – Eclectic bunch. Who are they ??

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 12, 2015 at 1:14 am (2 years ago)

      What a fab comment (a bit worried about the question at the end though…that’s a pretty big rock you’re living under lol).

      Reply
    • prabs
      September 12, 2015 at 11:06 am (2 years ago)

      Hee hee x

      Reply
  3. Emma
    September 13, 2015 at 7:16 am (2 years ago)

    Great Sunday morning, been dragged out of bed from a really good dream kind of read. Thanks for brightening my morning Abs. Great post and great choice of men.

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 13, 2015 at 5:37 pm (2 years ago)

      Glad you like it.

      Reply
  4. Claire @ life love and dirty dishes
    September 13, 2015 at 11:48 am (2 years ago)

    Fantastic. It takes a strong woman to turn down Bradley Cooper 😉 Now I’m just going to scroll back up and hover over some (meaning all) of those pictures for a while….
    Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 13, 2015 at 5:37 pm (2 years ago)

      lol enjoy the pics

      Reply
  5. Jax Blunt (@liveotherwise)
    September 13, 2015 at 4:37 pm (2 years ago)

    No Ioan Griffud (or whatever his name is?) Ah well, at least we won’t fight then.

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 13, 2015 at 5:41 pm (2 years ago)

      No I like him and I’m hoping I have a chance lol.

      Reply
  6. Elaine @ Entertaining Elliot
    September 14, 2015 at 5:05 pm (2 years ago)

    Lol love this!!!! I think I’d have to just get over the hair product issue with Zac, that man is just perfection!! x

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 14, 2015 at 5:27 pm (2 years ago)

      lol you can have him hee hee. #BloggingMumsClub

      Reply
  7. Michelle
    September 14, 2015 at 7:30 pm (2 years ago)

    Oh My! This one had me drooling (especially with Adam Levine as the main picture). Adam Levine is my celebrity crush but I never thought about his tattoos. They are the most attractive thing on him but I’d probably get distracted by reading them too! Robert Downey Jr. and Johnny Depp….Yummy! I’m still drooling! Now I want to do one of my own:) Love this post! I love your blog. You are hilarious! Thanks for sharing!!

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 14, 2015 at 10:06 pm (2 years ago)

      hee hee glad you approved my dear x

      Reply
  8. Alice
    September 14, 2015 at 8:50 pm (2 years ago)

    I can’t get over the idea of stopping part way through to ‘read’ Adam Levine! Hilarious 😀
    x Alice
    #babybrainmondays

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 14, 2015 at 10:06 pm (2 years ago)

      I was a bit proud of that bit 😉

      Reply
  9. PinkPearBear
    September 14, 2015 at 8:52 pm (2 years ago)

    Prabs you crack me up!! Your points are spot on. I would struggle to find a reason not to run off with Channing Tatum though! 😀 Apart from the not breaking up two happy families, the huge distance between us, oh and his super hot wife of course!! 😉

    Reply
    • PinkPearBear
      September 14, 2015 at 8:53 pm (2 years ago)

      #babybrainmonday (Forgot that bit!!)

      Reply
    • prabs
      September 14, 2015 at 10:05 pm (2 years ago)

      lol quite a few people on my social media mentioned him. He just doesn’t do it for me. But oh…there were loads I could have included lol. Thanks for reading.

      Reply
  10. Becky (@attwtwo)
    September 15, 2015 at 7:14 pm (2 years ago)

    This is too brilliant! I’m going to have to social share – Zac Efron is my secret crush (well not that secret – someone at work got me his calendar as my secret santa gift). Thanks for a good laugh whilst I’m drinking my wine this evening! #bigfatlinky

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 15, 2015 at 8:15 pm (2 years ago)

      I’m glad you liked it!! And thanks for the share.

      Reply
  11. Lauren
    September 15, 2015 at 8:25 pm (2 years ago)

    we have exactly the same taste in men!! Bummer that you can’t remember the dream in detail, the nice lady at the bank would probably (secretly) love to hear it! X

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 15, 2015 at 11:34 pm (2 years ago)

      Ha ha fab comment.

      Reply
  12. Harps
    September 16, 2015 at 8:32 am (2 years ago)

    Why did Ronaldo not make your cut!! Not the Man U one .. the other one … I used to be obsessed with him 😐 Thanks for linking up to #BabyBrainMonday … see you next week! x

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 16, 2015 at 8:48 pm (2 years ago)

      I only know one other Ronaldo and he looked like a chipmunk!

      Reply
  13. Random Musings
    September 16, 2015 at 12:42 pm (2 years ago)

    Great post, and a great list. Well, except Tom Cruise, he’s a bit of a douche, but I guess he could be ok if he didn’t speak – like ever lol 😉 #wineandboobs
    Debbie

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 16, 2015 at 8:49 pm (2 years ago)

      Lol sadly douche is the correct word for Mr Cruise but hey ho.

      Reply
  14. Al
    September 16, 2015 at 3:38 pm (2 years ago)

    Not too sure what to say about this one!!!…..What about Beckham? #bigfatlinky

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 16, 2015 at 4:15 pm (2 years ago)

      Past. His. Prime (Still a gent though.)

      Reply
  15. Nicole, the domesticated goddess
    September 16, 2015 at 6:04 pm (2 years ago)

    Love the post, also love me some Henry, Ian and Ryan so yummy. Thanks for the great eye candy today 🙂 #wineandboobs

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 16, 2015 at 8:48 pm (2 years ago)

      Sure any time lol. Thanks for reading. #wineandboobs

      Reply
  16. jude
    September 16, 2015 at 9:10 pm (2 years ago)

    Hahaha! This post made me laugh out loud. Must correct you on your Beckham omission though, he just gets better and better. #thetruthabout

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 16, 2015 at 9:42 pm (2 years ago)

      Lol yes there may be well be a mutiny judging by the number of people who’ve pointed out I omitted him lol.

      Reply
  17. John Adams
    September 16, 2015 at 9:59 pm (2 years ago)

    I really don’t know what to say…although I am wondering why Mick Hucknall does not feature on this list? #wineandboobs

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 16, 2015 at 10:23 pm (2 years ago)

      Stop it.

      Reply
  18. Mimiroseandme
    September 16, 2015 at 10:07 pm (2 years ago)

    Haha. This post is so funny and I couldn’t help but agree with some of them. I did however hover over Adam Levine for longer than I should. You cannot help but appreciate him!!!

    Reply
  19. Alison
    September 17, 2015 at 8:45 am (2 years ago)

    Meh to all of them with the notable exception of Ian Somerhalder (that bit in the first series of Vampire Diaries where Stefan vanishes and Damon dances with Elena, Oh. My. God. I felt like a Victorian woman struck with the vapours). And Idris Elba. And Ryan Gosling. And possibly Liam Neeson, when he’s not psychotically protecting the virtue of his daughter. But Jude Law, my goodness… what HAPPENED?

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 17, 2015 at 10:16 am (2 years ago)

      Tis a tragedy I tell you.

      Reply
  20. Mrs Tubbs
    September 17, 2015 at 12:41 pm (2 years ago)

    Oh there’s such a tag to be had in this one! Great list, all safe from me. #wineandboobs

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 17, 2015 at 2:22 pm (2 years ago)

      Ha ha!

      Reply
  21. Emma's Mamma
    September 17, 2015 at 6:23 pm (2 years ago)

    Haha I love this! I seriously only know who 4 of them are.. It’s very clear we don’t have the same taste in men lol #BabyBrainMonday

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 17, 2015 at 7:52 pm (2 years ago)

      lol well I guess we won’t be fighting over anyone then ha ha.

      Reply
  22. Charlene
    September 17, 2015 at 8:05 pm (2 years ago)

    Sorry to let you down but Adam and I already have an unspoken agreement and he sends me secret messages when presenting The Voice. Move along sista. #babybrainmonday

    Reply
  23. Breann from Stop the Frown
    September 17, 2015 at 11:56 pm (2 years ago)

    What a great post! Thank you for the laugh. I absolutely needed it today. And….I still love Ian Somerhalder… 😉 #momsterslink

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 18, 2015 at 12:11 am (2 years ago)

      Aw bless, my pleasure. Thanks for reading.

      Reply
  24. Tracey Abrahams
    September 22, 2015 at 5:41 pm (2 years ago)

    Just wiping the drool before I continue…….. Adam Levine oh my god yes, but alas my heart is for one man alone, Mr Grohl, so hands off!!!!
    Oh, I like my hubby too

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 22, 2015 at 8:56 pm (2 years ago)

      Ha ha, I like the last line. Covering your tracks huh? Ha ha. Dave is the man.

      Reply
  25. Trista, Domesticated Momster
    September 23, 2015 at 11:17 pm (1 year ago)

    Yep my new man crush is Liev Schreiber ;o) Sorry you can’t enjoy watching his sexy ass on “Ray Donavon”. Just love this article! Thanks for sharing it with #momsterslink.

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 24, 2015 at 8:34 am (1 year ago)

      He’s always been a fave of mine. Thanks for reading! Thanks for hosting #momsterslink

      Reply
  26. You Baby Me Mummy
    September 24, 2015 at 3:51 pm (1 year ago)

    Loved this huni! I agree with MANY of these choices. Oh Adam, adam, adam! ha ha! Thanks for linking up to #TheList x

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 24, 2015 at 4:02 pm (1 year ago)

      We’ve got good taste haven’t we? Thanks for reading and for hosting #thelist

      Reply
  27. Fiona @ Free Range Chick
    October 14, 2015 at 9:55 am (1 year ago)

    Prabs, I swear I commented on this already. Did I? I agree that it does take a strong woman to turn down Bradley Cooper. But where’s Aidan Turner? And I think that this list needs updating to incorporate a small handful of this year’s Strictly pro dancers. Did I mention Aidan Turner? …Yeh, I totally need a housewife moment to myself.

    Reply
    • prabs
      October 14, 2015 at 5:04 pm (1 year ago)

      OH man I don’t even know who that is! Erm no I don’t think you commented already. But thanks for doing so!

      Reply

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