The Anniversary Card I Never Thought I’d Write

I sat down to write something for my wedding anniversary thinking I’d be writing a testament to the amazing relationship and strong marriage I think Hubster and I have. As the words poured out of me, I found myself writing a very different sort of post, one that actually shocked and unsettled me with the brutality of the pain I was clearly feeling as I wrote it so much so, I had to put it to one side. I then had no choice but to come back to it when one of my blogging besties Modern Dad Pages asked me to write something about relationships.

The things is, most people will read this and think What on earth is she going on about? This guy is amazing! (And yes my husband is amazing in so many ways.) But as you know, our problems (perceived or real) and our truths are personal to us and we never know what goes on behind closed doors.

My husband knows I’ve written this post and gave me his blessing to be as honest as I wanted (which again shows what a great human being he actually is). There are things I’ve not mentioned because there is only so much dirty laundry I’m willing to wash in public but this is still the hardest thing I’ve written to date and I can’t say that I’m that comfortable doing it. So here is:

anniversarycard

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because you have such an easygoing manner towards anyone who meets you and you were always so laid back…but when one of our kids just drops some food at mealtime or a spills a drink at a restaurant, you literally freak and you have become angry and serious enough for the both of us (when I thought I’d cornered that market pretty well myself).

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because you are so chatty and open with your friends…but when I try to make conversation, I’m met with disinterest from a man who’s mentally left the building before I’ve even finished (started?) my sentence.

Dear Hubster I want to grow old with you because your cuddles are the best…but how do I cuddle a man who looks inconvenienced at having to budge up on the sofa when I sit next to him and who doesn’t think to just slip an arm round me when I’m washing the dishes?

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because you were my buddy who was always interested in what I had to say and with whom I’d close down the restaurants in Paris and London chatting til the early hours. We’d look over at the middle aged couples tired of life, tired of each other and we promised one another we’d never be like them and we’d keep the conversation going year after year.…but I’m honestly drained after years of silent evenings on the sofa or being cut off when I speak.

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because you were the eager lover who couldn’t get enough of me no matter what time of day it was, no matter where we were or whether we needed to be somewhere…but now, even though you say you still find me sexy and hot, when I give you the bedroom eyes, your brain fast forwards to how much you have to do and you suggest we ‘schedule it for later’. And later hardly ever comes…

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because I want to share my thoughts and experiences and interests with you…but when you snapped at your 5 year old who was just trying to show you a picture she’d drawn, what hope is there for me?

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because I chose you as my life partner…but how do you get through a life with someone when sometimes it’s just hard to get through a day without arguing about the stupidest things?

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because you are the man who goes to four different card shops to find a Valentine (and anniversary) card with the exact message he wanted to say…but who has so much difficulty just finding the romance in the simplest of daily transactions as man and wife even when the opportunity is staring him in the face!

Dear Hubster I want to grow old with you because I love you…but there are days when I ask myself if I actually do or whether love is even enough to see us through.

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because we made three amazing kids together and I know you love them like mad and see little point in even being home if your wife and kids aren’t around…but you never show any interest when I tell you about something they’ve done or said and I hurt waiting for you to show interest in teaching them a sport or spending individual time with them.

Dear Hubster I want to grow old with you because you are so wonderfully different from anyone I’ve ever met…but we’re both so very different it can be hard to just get on.

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because you are the most domesticated hands-on partner anyone could hope for…but maybe in between stacking the dishwasher, emptying the bins and doing the school run, the old you and me disappeared?

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because you used to make me laugh endlessly…but now you rarely find my jokes funny and I don’t get yours anymore on the rare occasion you clown around.

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because I thought you’d be the most gentle warm laid back father…but your yelling, lack of patience, inability to understand when they need sympathy or terms of endearment kills me.

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because I have NO bloody right to complain about a man who does the kids’ packed lunches every morning, gets bedding and floors clean and has food in the fridge for when I return from a trip abroad with the kids (and checks us in online without being asked)…but I just wish that man could show his wife and kids some emotion instead of always being so practical.

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because you have told me so much that you love me and you’re trying to take on board how I feel…but you and I both know there’ll be another blow out, I’ll retreat inside my shell and cry endlessly in private, you’ll apologise and on and on it will go.

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because mere words cannot describe the appreciation and respect I have for how hard you work to give your family a home and a life (never pressuring me to go back to work after I had the babies)…but you can’t run an entire marriage on that alone and I need to respect you as a friend and lover too and I can’t rebuild that on my own Baby.

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because that’s what friends do
..but so much of the time I feel like we’re just housemates who raise three kids together.

Dear Hubster, I want to grow old with you because you are the wonderful man who insists we go out to celebrate our anniversary...but don’t you wonder what we’d be celebrating? I am feeling depressed and terrified at the thought of an evening of awkward silence or desperately trying to find things to talk about with you apart from bloody work.

Dear Hubster I want to grow old with you because you are gentleman. Thank you for being that gentleman and listening.

I have a hubby who goes above and beyond in so many ways, a hubby who isn’t possessive, who doesn’t ‘expect’ things from me and who gives me space to be me. I also have a hubby who gives me THE most wonderful anniversary and Valentines cards with heartfelt messages he has really given thought to writing when half the time, I don’t get round to getting him one or I find crappy ones! It takes two people in a relationship, I have plenty of faults and frankly marriage takes constant work and care. The Disney straight forward happy-ever-after fairytale does not exist. I think, in the end, each couple has to create their own fairytale. My hubby is aware of and really wants to address his emotional attentiveness and other shortcomings. In the meantime, I’ll be having a good think about addressing my own…

 

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Comments

Comments

111 Comments on The Anniversary Card I Never Thought I’d Write

  1. jeremy@thirstydaddy
    July 21, 2015 at 6:12 pm (2 years ago)

    brave post. I’ve always found that putting things on paper for somebody to read is much easier than saying them out loud. This couldn’t have been easy though

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 21, 2015 at 6:17 pm (2 years ago)

      Wow thanks for already reading it Jeremy! No…not easy at all. Wait til my mum sees it. Eeeek!

      Reply
  2. Talya
    July 21, 2015 at 6:47 pm (2 years ago)

    Wow that IS brave. And what was hubsters reaction dare I ask? #wineandboobs

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 21, 2015 at 9:04 pm (2 years ago)

      Really wanna know Hun? Here you go: “yeah read it … ouch. But factual and well written. Think it will do well, as it comes across as gutsy and honest. Well done. And I don’t care how it makes me look so don’t worry about that”… And there’s the thing. None of us are perfect. If I can write a post like that and get my hubby’s blessing, despite the things that upset me, he’s still a ‘keeper’! #wineandboobs

      Reply
  3. Jennifer {The Hollyhock Door}
    July 21, 2015 at 6:54 pm (2 years ago)

    Thank you so much for having the courage to share this brave, honest, forthright post. So often I seem to read blogs that are all sunshine and roses (even when you know they aren’t IRL). It takes real guts to write about real thoughts and struggles. Marriage is crazy-hard and anyone who says differently is either lying or hasn’t had one of these “anniversary cards” written to them yet! There are days when just the sounds of my hubs breathing makes me irritated and I’m sure I do stuff to annoy him all.the.time. I hope you’re able to work through the issues together #wineandboobs

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 21, 2015 at 9:02 pm (2 years ago)

      Oh thanks my dear! There was so much I wanted to say about how many marriages I’ve come to realise are like this. I wonder why as a race we continue to marry! But we do love each other and can’t imagine not being together. Gotta count for something right?

      Reply
  4. G
    July 21, 2015 at 6:59 pm (2 years ago)

    Most of your reasons are the reasons why I left my marriage. Except I didn’t want to grow old with someone who has no time to speak to me and with whom I have nothing to talk about over dinner. Then again my ex-husband never did bother cleaning up after himself and thought nothing of getting fired/leaving a job every 6 months (even when our child was born).

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 21, 2015 at 9:01 pm (2 years ago)

      Yes I can see why so many marriages don’t work out. Thing is I’ve always been glass half full so I usually try to count my blessings…there again why is the glass only HALF full?!

      Reply
  5. Shelby
    July 21, 2015 at 7:14 pm (2 years ago)

    I can so relate to this- wishing you could redirect energy from one thing to another and he’s just not even on your planet. Having to accept that it is not your choice, but his to pay attention to the things that matter instead of housecleaning and mundane tasks in the home. Thanks for being so brave!

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 21, 2015 at 9:00 pm (2 years ago)

      Awww and thank you for reading and commenting!

      Reply
  6. Silly Mummy
    July 21, 2015 at 7:18 pm (2 years ago)

    What an honest and interesting post. I’m sure many of us can relate to at least part of this. It’s great that you’re both willing to be open like this and try to work on it. #wineandboobs

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 21, 2015 at 8:59 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you my dear. Not easy…

      Reply
  7. The 21st Century Mama
    July 21, 2015 at 8:22 pm (2 years ago)

    Wow, just wow.

    This is a really brave post, and I seriously applaud you for not only raising it with your husband, but for sharing it on here.

    It means so much to see not only how people make marriages work, but what they do about it when they are not working. Communication is so important, so many people just walk away with out addressing it.

    I hope you both manage to work through your own faults to come back to a place of balance. I do think it’s easy to get lost in the routine of life and the relationship slips back a little.

    xxx

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 21, 2015 at 8:59 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you! Well it’s that Rod’s ‘fault’…! Credit to him, he told me to write an honest post and wouldn’t accept my bitching and moaning about the short notice he’d given me. Maybe I work better under pressure. My husband is great (and actually congratulated me on the post!!) and we always manage to keep going! Thanks for reading #wineandboobs

      Reply
  8. Rhi
    July 21, 2015 at 8:28 pm (2 years ago)

    Aw I just want to give you a hug! You are so brave for writing this down but its a great step to addressing things that can be improved. I think all relationships take a lot of work so its good you can articulate things that make you sad, its the only way to grow 🙂

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 21, 2015 at 8:54 pm (2 years ago)

      Thanks Rhi! Thought I’d get slated for it to be honest!

      Reply
  9. Rhi
    July 21, 2015 at 8:28 pm (2 years ago)

    That photo is heartbreakingly beautiful by the way <3

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 21, 2015 at 8:54 pm (2 years ago)

      Awwwww!

      Reply
  10. Amy L
    July 21, 2015 at 9:45 pm (2 years ago)

    You just described my relationship with my husband. I don’t think I could have worded that as well as you did.
    I always write what I need to say to my hubby and let him read it because it’s just so much easier and I know that it will get his full attention. Maybe I should let him read this 🙂

    Brave post but a wonderfully written post. Thank you for writing this.

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 21, 2015 at 10:02 pm (2 years ago)

      Wow Amy I thought I’d get slated for not being happy with what I have (and don’t get me wrong I do have a lot to be thankful for) but it seems there are just a few of us feeling this way! Thanks for reading. And yes…show him the post!

      Reply
  11. Rob
    July 22, 2015 at 2:20 am (2 years ago)

    That’s a really honest and open post. I know I couldn’t have written that but I admire you for doing so and I can certainly see some of my own shortcomings in some of the items you mentioned. Good job and good luck. #wineandboobs

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 22, 2015 at 9:27 am (2 years ago)

      Thanks Rob. I was thinking of writing but submitting it somewhere else! It’s all that Modern Dad Pages’ fault for it appearing on my own site. But I’m glad he asked me to write something…seems a lot of people relate. #wineandboobs

      Reply
  12. Claire
    July 22, 2015 at 3:21 am (2 years ago)

    Prabs – this is fabulous! I love that you made yourself vulnerable and shared this so honestly. i can relate to so much of this (and also refer to my other half as Hubster!!!). I think it’s the people who see their partner through rose colored glasses who ultimately end up with crumbling relationships. Those who acknowledge the imperfections and engage in building and rebuilding every day end up with something much stronger and much more resilient. Xo

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 22, 2015 at 9:28 am (2 years ago)

      Gosh that’s lovely Claire. I agree! I think that’s why so many marriages fail…the utter shock when you realise the other person is just human. Thanks for reading.

      Reply
  13. Charlotte
    July 22, 2015 at 4:26 am (2 years ago)

    I’m a SAHM of a 19 month old and 1 one month old. Every word you wrote I have been thinking and I have been beating myself up for thinking these things about the man I love so much. I cried the whole way through your post and still am as I write this. I can’t imagine how hard this was to write and publish. Thank you

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 25, 2015 at 8:51 pm (2 years ago)

      Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. I’ve been rather occupied dealing with the aftermath on another post! Your message will always stay with me. Your reaction, people feeling something when they read my writing, people perhaps feeling comfort even…that is why I write. I do hope you’ll be alright and I’m sorry I made you cry!

      Reply
  14. John Adams
    July 22, 2015 at 5:22 am (2 years ago)

    My word, that is very candid indeed. Marriage is tough, people change and children definitely change how a marriage works. I think you’ve encapsulated that without actually saying it out loud. I’m going to wish you a happy anniversary anyway. I hope over time you can work a few of these issues out. #thetruthabout

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 22, 2015 at 9:14 am (2 years ago)

      Thanks John. I’m not sure my gratitude to him for also being amazing came across enough and we’re still trying to get a babysitter in so we can go our for our anniversary ha ha. #thetruthabout

      Reply
  15. Tammy Nelson
    July 22, 2015 at 10:16 am (2 years ago)

    Thank you for writing this. It is very timely July 20th my husband and I just had our 19th wedding anniversary and many of your points unfortunately fit my hubby. Our celebration ended in hurtful tears and and sadness. I can’t imagine more years of no conversation with him being checked out of our lives letting someone else take responsibility of every day life. My husband is a good man who works hard to provide for us, and I know he loves our children and me. Thank you again for putting many of my feelings into words.

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 22, 2015 at 1:06 pm (2 years ago)

      Gosh Tammy yes it seems to have hit a raw nerve. If it’s so common I wonder why so many of us get married. I hope your hubby hears how you feel…

      Reply
  16. Modern Dad Pages
    July 22, 2015 at 1:05 pm (2 years ago)

    All I can say is WOW! This post is so honest and as I read I could literally feel your emotions as you wrote! When a post does that it’s like magic! It gave me shivers!

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 22, 2015 at 1:12 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you for pushing me to write it for #wineandboobs (even if I still don’t feel I said everything I wanted to say or in the way I wanted to say it!) It’s struck such a chord (which I never expected) and I’ve spent the day responding to private messages from people who hurt reading it because it described their marriage. Thanks again.

      Reply
      • Modern Dad Pages
        July 22, 2015 at 3:48 pm (2 years ago)

        Your a fabulous writer Prabs! Write from your heart and you will do amazing things!

        Reply
        • prabs
          July 22, 2015 at 5:08 pm (2 years ago)

          Thank you.

          Reply
  17. Random Musings
    July 22, 2015 at 1:09 pm (2 years ago)

    This post is perfect – so honest! I hope you and your hubby continue to work on your relationship as I get the impression that you 2 do work well together as a couple. Happy Anniversary 🙂 #mmwbh
    Debbie
    http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 22, 2015 at 1:50 pm (2 years ago)

      Thanks Debs. Having to sit on my own hands to stop myself changing some of it lol. #MMWBH

      Reply
  18. Kristine @MumRevised
    July 22, 2015 at 1:56 pm (2 years ago)

    Wow! So we are ‘normal’ after all. My husband has told me I am no longer allowed to write about him so you have one up on me. Some days I wonder if we will make it to our 20th (in September) and then he does something sweet and I think ‘Yeah’. Day by day.

    Reply
    • Kristine @MumRevised
      July 22, 2015 at 1:59 pm (2 years ago)

      BTW: there is a book called The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman that might keep you sane (it is a bit preachy, but the wisdom fits).

      Reply
    • prabs
      July 22, 2015 at 2:20 pm (2 years ago)

      Yes Kris…I wish I could show you the messages that have come flooding in from people (well comments here anyway) who totally related. It was gonna go either way: either I’d get trolls who think I’m a moaning princess or people who are in the same boat! And it really is day by day. He’s such a great guy…I always keep that in mind. I’m no angel I’m sure. Thanks for the book tip x

      Reply
  19. Amy
    July 22, 2015 at 3:19 pm (2 years ago)

    Oh crumbs Prabs!

    I have so much to say but not sure how I can put it into words. My hubby and I have been married going on for ten years now and while I love him to death our relationship has completely changed and evolved over the years. I have a couple of the same grumbles as you, and I’m calling them grumbles because depending on the situation they can sometimes seem massive but I totally blow things out of proportion and jump on the offensive. I think in my head that it is (mostly) him that has changed but the reality is it is both of us. When things are ticking along swimmingly it is wonderful but when we’re having one of those days it is horrid.

    What I’m trying to say is, I think a lot of married couples feel this way and I feel like being open and honest is how you get through, and you’ve certainly done that! This is probably the sort of thing I would do and it would give me a chance to air any grievance and hopefully move on, let’s face it there’s probably a whole lot of stuff we do (perhaps without realising) that pisses them off no end too…

    Really thought provoking and heartfelt post and that’s why I love ya!

    Amy xx

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 22, 2015 at 3:48 pm (2 years ago)

      Oh Amy thank you!! Honestly, so many people seem to feel the same way…

      Reply
      • Hannah
        July 22, 2015 at 10:05 pm (2 years ago)

        Good one Prabs 🙂 Thanks a lot for writing this 🙂 Hxxx

        Reply
        • prabs
          July 22, 2015 at 11:12 pm (2 years ago)

          Thank you Hannah!

          Reply
  20. Amanda
    July 22, 2015 at 8:32 pm (2 years ago)

    Thanks Prabs, brought a tear or few to my eyes. The Good the Bad and the Ugly, and all the between-the-lines blessings. xx

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 22, 2015 at 11:10 pm (2 years ago)

      Awww thanks Amanda! Yes it seems a few people have shed a tear.

      Reply
  21. Sam
    July 22, 2015 at 8:32 pm (2 years ago)

    I am 9 years into my relationship with my husband (also The Hubster!) and nearly 6 since children came along and I think we have both changed massively and that does impact on our ability to move forwards at times (familiarity breeds contempt and all that). You’re definitely not alone. I think you clearly have something positive to hang onto here though – you actively want to grow old with your husband which means everything. Thanks so much for sharing such an honest, relateable post on #thetruthabout Prabs (and Happy Anniversary!) Xx

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 22, 2015 at 11:11 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you Sam! Yeah, we’re stuck with each other ha ha. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

      Reply
    • prabs
      July 25, 2015 at 8:48 pm (2 years ago)

      Yep…the familiarity breeds contempt thing. But we’ll get there. He’s worth it. I hope that showed somehow! Thanks!

      Reply
  22. Su
    July 22, 2015 at 9:07 pm (2 years ago)

    Wow! You are one brave women! It is so great to hear that you two are working out the problems. This is one of the reasons I am not married, (yet). Relationship is so hard. And yes, sometime it is good to have it all out in the open air and have a good proper cry for it to be able to be fix I guess. (I do it quite often actually). I really do hope that you two can get through this. Love xx #TheTruthAbout

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 22, 2015 at 11:11 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you for the lovely comment.

      Reply
    • prabs
      July 25, 2015 at 8:46 pm (2 years ago)

      It is hard but he is worth it! Thanks so much.

      Reply
  23. Raising Mighty Girls
    July 22, 2015 at 9:56 pm (2 years ago)

    How honest and brave of you to write this. Sometimes writing it down can actually be the hardest part – but you did it so eloquently. #MMWBH

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 22, 2015 at 11:12 pm (2 years ago)

      Hi there yes writing is quite hard I must say. Thank you for reading!

      Reply
    • prabs
      July 25, 2015 at 8:46 pm (2 years ago)

      Lovely of you, thank you.

      Reply
  24. Laura @ Life with Baby Kicks
    July 22, 2015 at 11:35 pm (2 years ago)

    Prabs what a wonderful post (and another submission for the Huff I think) I love your honest and I think so many of us relate. Especially when you do get married being footloosr and fancy free. Become a parent changes us as people and although the non-parent you may have been compatible in everyway the parents you become may not be and need to work harder at your relationship.

    I can also relate to some of these, especially from my very very rocky beginning with the husband.

    Brave girl xx

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 23, 2015 at 12:29 am (2 years ago)

      Awwwww thank you Laura! You’ve hit the nail on the head about pre parenting years together I think.

      Reply
  25. Emma Chanagasubbay
    July 23, 2015 at 2:43 pm (2 years ago)

    Yet again another fantastic post!
    I hope that by getting this out in the open it has allowed you and your husband to get some more connection back in your lives #wineandboobs

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 23, 2015 at 11:09 pm (2 years ago)

      Thanks Hun. Actually before I’d even said my piece (the day before in person) he’d already written an amazing message. He knows the issues. So many men don’t or won’t face them. #wineandboobs

      Reply
  26. Emma's Mamma
    July 24, 2015 at 10:11 am (2 years ago)

    What an absolute honest and heartfelt post. Thanks for sharing. Marriage is hard work but that fact that you wrote this post and your husband read it sound like you guys have a pretty good one 🙂 x #momsterslink

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 25, 2015 at 8:43 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you so much.

      Reply
  27. Laura's Lovely Blog
    July 24, 2015 at 12:51 pm (2 years ago)

    Such an honest, open and brave post. I’m not sure I could write something so publicly, but I am think it’s fab that you have. You’re right the Disney ever after sadly does not exist. Marriage is an on-going journey that has many downs as it does up. After children it is so easy to get wrapped up in the hum drum of life and not make time for each other. After both of our children there have definitely been balances we have needed to address. I wish you both the best of luck xx

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 24, 2015 at 12:52 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you lovely Laura!

      Reply
  28. Emma
    July 25, 2015 at 7:10 am (2 years ago)

    Aww Abs I could hug you. Great post you brave sole. Also beautiful picture did you get it off Google? haha joking.

    Reply
  29. Stacey Hirlam
    July 25, 2015 at 2:42 pm (2 years ago)

    I have already messaged you about this post, but thought I would comment too. I am very much in admiration for your honesty. It’s clear that you truly love your husband, but brave of you to admit that marriage life is not always perfect. My partner is a fabulous dad to our children, but sometime (often) I wish he would be more affectionate and caring towards me. I would never dare tell him this though in fear of more arguments.

    Reply
  30. Trista, Domesticated Momster
    July 25, 2015 at 4:58 pm (2 years ago)

    This is truly a great piece Prabs. Marriage is hard work. I was married before and also in a long term relationship that also failed before meeting my husband. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about relationships it’s that men are simple creatures. They aren’t aware of our emotional roller coaster unless we tell them loud and clear exactly what we want! I believe every relationship comes to a comfortable or board spot. The butterflies wear off and so does the passion. Sometimes you even need a break from one another. But don’t give up. I have also learned that being single and starting over sucks! I never want to have to start over in another relationship. I’d rather jus “water the dead grass I already have” If you’re husband is willing to listen and work on himself that’s half the battle my dear friend. If there’s still a sparkle of love…it’s worth fighting for. Hugs my friend. And thank you for sharing this with momsterslink.

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 25, 2015 at 7:28 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you for such lovely comments my friend. #momsterlinks

      Reply
  31. Angela at Daysinbed
    July 26, 2015 at 6:25 pm (2 years ago)

    I loved really this post! Marriage is not perfect but when we are with someone we really love it is what we make it that counts! Thanks for sharing.

    Angela xx

    Reply
  32. Julia T
    July 26, 2015 at 7:12 pm (2 years ago)

    I love this post. It is brutal and honest and sometimes that is what is needed and most of the time it is what we don’t do. Good for you. The bit that stands out for me (well most of it does) is the bit about housemates raising children. . Life gets in the way. Take care x

    Reply
  33. Helena
    July 26, 2015 at 7:36 pm (2 years ago)

    Surprisingly your post made me cry Prabs and I really share your pain and sense your loneliness. I’ve been there before but didn’t have three beautiful kids to maintain the bond. The emotional glue. When I spent the four days I did with Prash recently I told him on a few occasions that he was so quiet and serious I couldn’t believe it, he wasn’t the same guy. I also felt he was constantly in his head not heart hence not present. Emotionally unavailable although kind and practical. What happened to the funny, fun guy that I once knew who was so present. I admire your honesty but it really cut deep and resonated with old wounds. Hugging you chick xxx

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 26, 2015 at 8:51 pm (2 years ago)

      And your comment made me cry too when I read it to myself and then to Prash. You have summed in one paragraph what I was saying in this post and it broke my heart. Thank you for your words…you hit the nail on the head.

      Reply
      • Helena
        July 27, 2015 at 8:37 am (2 years ago)

        I think when I hear most my friends talking who’ve been married a while they share the same issues as you, there are only a couple of exceptions. You are not alone. Marriage is a partnership that not only needs working at constantly but continuously and more importantly it needs nurturing. Most men are unemotional hence emotionally unavailable as it’s all buried deep within and they really don’t get all this emotional turmoil we women find ourselves in exacerbated by them, usually they are the creators of our emotional roller coaster. Men live in their heads not their hearts so every now and then you have to tune them in like an old non digital radio find that button you carefully tweak just to find the right frequency. Hold that thought chick. X

        Reply
        • prabs
          July 27, 2015 at 12:00 pm (2 years ago)

          Wow can I quote you on this? Really well put!!

          Reply
  34. Rob
    July 27, 2015 at 12:24 am (2 years ago)

    When I read this for #wineandboobs, I was struck by the honestly of this post. Marriage is tough and I think we all go through rough patches. Some make it and others don’t but usually it’s for the best. I still feel strongly as I read it again for #AnythingGoes. Great post.

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 27, 2015 at 12:27 am (2 years ago)

      Oh bless, thanks Rob!

      Reply
  35. Nikki Frank-Hamilton
    July 27, 2015 at 1:07 am (2 years ago)

    Ah Love. The grandest emotion, biggest gift, ever. The more you give, the more you get. And each one of us has our own Love Language, it seems that you and Hubster are not speaking the same language My husband and I dont’ either, we have to work at it. When you feel love in a language your husband doesn’t speak it can hurt. Have you read the book? Perhaps you both should, it helped me to love people in the way they can feel it. Good luck, what you have sounds precious, worth saving. xo

    Reply
  36. Polly @ Our Seaside Baby
    July 27, 2015 at 8:44 pm (2 years ago)

    It’s refreshing to read your post because I’ve realised so many relationships are like this but so many pretend or act like everything is ‘perfect’. I relate to so many things you’ve said and sadly I am recently separated. I wrote about my separation recently on my blog. If I could rewind time I would probably have sought help early on. But I guess things also happen for a reason and it takes two to make a relationship work. Hoping things work out for you.

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 27, 2015 at 9:38 pm (2 years ago)

      Oh Polly I think I came across your blog a while ago. Gosh how sad. I must go and read that. I’m really sorry. Thanks for reading my post.

      Reply
  37. Becky, Cuddle Fairy
    July 27, 2015 at 10:25 pm (2 years ago)

    This is so honest & so real – it’s what so many couples are feeling but not saying. The reality of marriage, as you said, isn’t a fairytale. It takes work & it’s not easy. Well done hun & very brave post! #BabyBrainMemoir

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 28, 2015 at 8:49 am (2 years ago)

      Thanks Cuddles.

      Reply
  38. Dan - Deardads
    July 28, 2015 at 5:53 am (2 years ago)

    What an interesting post. I often do the things you have mentioned above and later stop to think if my wife feels this way. We both talk open and honestly and she rarely corrects me but I sometimes wonder if this is because she loves me so much and chooses not to see my faults. Its amazing to see you pour your heart out in this post and I can see the love between your husband and you is strong. Thank you for posting this thought provoking and honest post. It was captivating to read!!

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 28, 2015 at 8:49 am (2 years ago)

      Thanks mate. Lovely feedback.

      Reply
  39. Zena's Suitcase
    July 29, 2015 at 12:24 pm (2 years ago)

    There were so many things that resonated with me in this post. My husband is fab, most of the time. But he can be impatient, and doesn’t know when to let things go with the kids. We have to work at things too.

    Reply
  40. Claire
    July 30, 2015 at 8:39 am (2 years ago)

    What a brave post! Relationships are tough and I can identify with a few of these issues. Particularly the comment about arguing over stupid things. I have a wonderful partner but having a baby changes a relationship in so many ways. We all have to work at things x

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 30, 2015 at 8:41 am (2 years ago)

      Thanks Claire. Yes kids do change it. Some bits for the worst some for the better.

      Reply
  41. Sarah Howe (@RunJumpScrap)
    July 30, 2015 at 8:32 pm (2 years ago)

    Wow what a hard post to write but thank you so much for sharing. I think when children come along it tests your patience and your relationship massively. If you don’t make an effort it can all go to pieces. I admire your honesty and I am glad your hubby gave you his blessings to write this. Maybe you can use it to move forward. Thanks so much for linking up to #bestandworst lovely and see you again xx

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 31, 2015 at 9:11 am (2 years ago)

      Thanks Sarah. It does say a lot about his willingness to change that he even shared the post on his social media! Thanks for hosting #bestandworst

      Reply
  42. RunJumpHusband!
    July 30, 2015 at 8:42 pm (2 years ago)

    Sounds like hubby needs a break… he’s totally in “doing mode” and not “smell the coffee mode”.

    I know this because I slip into the same mode regularly. Stress levels raise and old habits reappear. Too busy to enjoy the life that you are being busy providing for…. stop, breathe, and no jobs today, and no planning to do them tomorrow either.

    He needs to read a book on mindfulness and actually live it, not pay lip service to it….live in the now for today, not yesterday or tomorrow.

    Reply
  43. Pen
    July 30, 2015 at 9:47 pm (2 years ago)

    A really brave post. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I really hope that you and your hubster can find the old spark and remind yourselves of why you love each other and why you are made for each other. I feel like your anniversary card is a step in the right direction. Relationships are really tough. Mine failed after baby number 1! Rightly so though, I don’t think we could ever have spent the rest of our lives together. You have had three children and you can still see the positives. You’ll work it through because you both want to. Good luck.

    Reply
    • prabs
      July 31, 2015 at 9:10 am (2 years ago)

      Thanks Pen!

      Reply
  44. Harps
    August 1, 2015 at 7:30 pm (2 years ago)

    Prabs, well done for being so honest. Honestly, you’re so brave. I’ve only been married 3 years and a lot of those apply to me. I’ve cried endlessly and we’ve discussed our future but I know we just gotta work at it. Kinda feels like we’ve settled though. Sad times. I’m hoping love is enough. My husband is also so practical which I love and adore as it makes my life SO easy but I miss the emotions and fun and he doesn’t find my jokes funny anymore (I’m hilarious!!). Thanks for sharing – so relatable. Thanks for linking up to #babybrainmonday x

    Reply
    • prabs
      August 2, 2015 at 9:38 am (2 years ago)

      Oh my darling, yes you are hilarious! I loved that bit. I think at the end of the day, most men with a few exceptions don’t feel the need to ‘show’ their love on a regular basis. Women do and they need to feel it too. We’re just wired differently from men and men are wired differently from women. Thanks for reading. #babybrainmonday

      Reply
  45. Enakye
    August 4, 2015 at 7:18 pm (2 years ago)

    Hmmm…beautiful post. But, all dese truths everyone tells abt marriage makes me scared. Hmmm… can i really cope? Is marriage really worth the stress?

    Reply
    • prabs
      August 4, 2015 at 7:30 pm (2 years ago)

      Only one way to find out!

      Reply
  46. Haidee@Maybe Baby Brothers
    August 6, 2015 at 7:20 pm (2 years ago)

    This is such a brilliant and heartfelt post. I hope it has given you both things to think about and work on and come next anniversary you will be writing a very different kind of post. Good luck! Marriage is hard work! #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • prabs
      August 7, 2015 at 11:03 am (2 years ago)

      Thank you Haidee. Yes I’ve been wondering what next year’s post might bring…

      Reply
  47. Honest mum
    August 10, 2015 at 3:47 pm (2 years ago)

    What a brave post, well done for getting it down on paper/the blog and being able to discuss it with your husband. I hope you can work together to make life happier for you both. Thank you for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x

    Reply
    • prabs
      August 10, 2015 at 4:42 pm (2 years ago)

      Thanks so much.

      Reply
  48. The Blog Centre
    August 11, 2015 at 4:41 pm (2 years ago)

    AA real honest and very brave post – thank you for linking up with #ShowcaseTuesday

    Reply
    • prabs
      August 11, 2015 at 6:31 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you!

      Reply
  49. Claire - Life Love and Dirty Dishes
    September 13, 2015 at 8:47 pm (2 years ago)

    Wow Prabs. Beautifully honest. From the heart. I had to stop reading halfway through to catch my breath as I was actually holding it whilst reading. I think we all need a nudge in the right direction when it comes to marriage. We can take each other for granted without realising. As long as you can still see good then things will get back on track. Those small people we have are pretty good at de-railing things 😉 xxxx

    Reply
    • prabs
      September 13, 2015 at 9:16 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you for the lovely comment.

      Reply
  50. Laura dove
    January 16, 2016 at 8:56 pm (2 years ago)

    Oh wow this is so completely honest and brave of you! I love that you don’t sugar coat your feelings but are still so mindful of your husbands feelings. It’s clear you love your husband so much and are continuing to work on your marriage, I hope that this post has helped both of you to address any issues you may have and move forward. Marriage IS hard work but when it’s the right person it shouldn’t be a chore. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. Xxx

    Reply
    • prabs
      January 19, 2016 at 11:05 pm (2 years ago)

      Thank you. I think it said a lot about him that he knew I was writing a ‘tell all’ (well okay not quite all actually!) and went with it. One step at a time and all that. Thanks for reading.

      Reply
  51. Alan aka omgitsagirl2015
    April 26, 2016 at 12:20 pm (2 years ago)

    Oh Prabs. I’ve a tear in my eye and not a hypothetical one at that.

    I’m not sure if it’s just because of your post and your hubster or if it’s because that sounds so like me. With the exception of the bedroom thing. Still a horny jack rabbit me.

    Thanks for sharing. Or should I be thanking Rod.

    Reply
    • prabs
      April 26, 2016 at 9:56 pm (2 years ago)

      I owe this post to Rod! That’s very honest to say you recognised yourself in this. Many of the men who commented on this at the time said the same thing. As for the rabbit remark, I couldn’t possibly comment 🙂

      Reply
  52. amommasview
    July 30, 2016 at 1:58 am (1 year ago)

    Wow, so honest and straight forward. I commend you for writing this and I’m sure it was not easy. Maybe it helps you if he does read it? Maybe the dialog will start and you will be able to solve those issues together? Maybe he sees things in a different way? You know, the “5 love languages” thing? I have never really read the book so I do only know what people told me about the theory but it does kind of make sense. We all perceive things differently and maybe he think he gives you everything.
    What I do not understand is the snapping at the kids and I can see how it makes you sad. I think you two have lots to talk about. I send you a big virtual hug and a big smile 🙂 Have a wonderful weekend.

    Reply
  53. justsayingmum
    December 11, 2016 at 5:57 pm (1 year ago)

    Oh ever since you told me about this post I’ve been looking forward to reading it but now having read it and knowing you as I do, it’s made me cry. So emotional and honest and just so full of love for a man who I am sure deserves you fully – marriage is so rarely written about honestly and I praise you for that. The two people you used to be are still there my lovely – they haven’t gone xx

    Reply
    • prabs
      December 11, 2016 at 8:42 pm (1 year ago)

      So glad you read it Darling. Thanks so much for the words.

      Reply

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